Freedom isn’t free

When do you feel free? To me it can be cantering with a horse on an open field, to dance it all out on a club, or of course to leave Sweden and enter a new destination. Travelling is freedom.

But what is freedom really at home? It’s to have a home where nobody intrudes, where I can speak my mind freely, whether orally or in writing, without neither repurcussions, nor being stalked or slandered. It’s simply being free from oppression.

In Sweden, I am not free. In 2007, the Swedish state health agency Försäkringskassan revoked my sick compensation because they thought my blogging should have to be stopped. Blogging that I have never been paid for, then in Swedish, including sharing my health challenges. We were a couple of people commenting on each other’s blogs to support each other, and it was thanks to that, I was offered a temporary lease to another apartment when I lost my own, due to said revocation. Thank God! I appealed and reported it. Nonetheless, even with witnesses and physicians notes, and bankstatements, I was assumed cheating. I later learned that it was someone reporting his suspicion with his false assumptions.

If this is my Swedish freedom, what is it then I’m supposed to defend?

Without money nobody can feel free, since it’s the foundation for making a choice. Freedom of choice, freedom to choose what to eat, where to sleep and with whom, freedom to talk about my dreams, freedom to apply for jobs and go to one, and freedom to express myself. Freedom to try to be and do my best. Nothing ever possible without money, that the Swedish state is hindering me from making.

Protecting our space

The body of the land is like an extension of our physical body. We inhabit both with our spirit, personality and soul. And together with others we create a culture that is both the result of, and the making of, the rules we live under and steer how we interact, within our shared space.

Protecting our space is therefore a question about how we enforce our personal boundaries and our country’s borders. Sometimes we like to get help from our neighbors, sometimes it’s a global question. What we must protect ourselves from, is both the enemy within and the enemy coming from outside. How much help do we need from others to do so and can even that help become a threat?

When I hear about how my American girlfriends have had to send out their sons into deployment, it saddens me. Likewise, I wonder with what right the United States claims right to have a presence in any other country than within their own territories.

Here in Portugal, there is an academy for Nato communications, close to where the original telegraph was first invented and used between Britain and Portugal. Naturally, as a peace-lover, I’m primarily against military presence, but if the police isn’t warding off intruders, who else can? It should however be evident that any foreign country’s military base should never be allowed to be present unless called for by the citizens, but rather Nato’s presence perhaps, or any other alliance’s.

If the Swedish police and courts can’t stop my stalker from intruding, and stop the contineous thefts and sabotages by others for more than ten years, meanwhile refusing me monetary assistance and compensation, who then can, how and where? If the Swedish media refuses to publish information about this, for the Swedish people to discuss it, who then has become a greater enemy than the stalker?

If only one country goes against another, it becomes a conflict. If several countries, such as the United States, Germany and Portugal goes together, it will become a matter of questioning the decisions by Sweden, on behalf of my Human Rights, based on evidence. That is what I want.

Why is it even a question to allow me to have a home, eat, work, pay my bills and live a normal life?

The gift in dancing

The last couple of weeks, I have started practicing Isadora Duncan technique through online classes taught by Emily D’Angelo. And a couple of days ago, while I was dancing polka the Isadora Duncan way, I heard my own little bubbly laughter emerge again from within, not the normal kind of laughter because I’m tired or because of what I or someone else has said or done. But a laughter so precious, I can only recognize it as cooing, that I’ve only heard myself once having last summer here in Portugal in a swimmingpool.

Through skipping in a certain rhythm and finding myself capable to let go into the specific style doing it right (I hope), it enables me to feel joy. What a gift that is! I simply start smiling spontaneously.

Each dance style has provided me with a specific gift, or focus. The reward of each practice is simply how it makes me feel during, and after, a class. This has to do with both the nature of the movements, and the music. And expressing the purpose of the choreography.

African dance liberated my body and is great for a good physical workout with forceful gestures, going all out, with grounding root energy – opening.

Hawaiian Hula made me more in touch with my connection to Mother Earth and caring for myself and others with a greater sense of heart energy – embracing, and smiling for stage, found with love.

Isadora Duncan dance makes me feel in touch with the airy and light side of life, too with its own set of motions, where I get to use my body in new ways – expressing myself and smiling from within.

I can’t see it as anything more than the highest form of healing for me, in direct communion with spirit. A union between music and movement.

Photo of me doing an attitude from last summer, to become improved.

Sacred circles for speaking

There is nothing more important than to hear others and be heard. It is through active listening without prejudice AND active speaking about what is important to us, we not only grow in understanding but also heal and can move forward with our own life.

Therefore, sacred circles for speaking, will be at the heart of Telluselle Living Center, besides barefoot dances, qigong, meditation and organic beauty treatments and healing. The sacred circles will be of various types: Some to support a common experience or need, some to explore personality traits and expression, and some to discuss societal changes.

Together we define our own set of values and try to apply them in our daily lives, whereupon our successes and failures can be shared and discussed.

This type of Lifecoaching will be led by me and others, certified according to ICF’s standards, both for these groups, and for one on one sessions.

Contact me if you want to try!


How do we learn how to shine from within?

Through dancing Isadora Duncan, I have grown a greater awareness of my solar plexus, where the center of my personality is seated. Where joy is near and sincere.

Soul longs for freedom and space. The more I express my personality, the more it becomes safe at home with me. It’s also its need of expansion, that we need to acknowledge.

With a mutually respectful exchange and a sincere wishing well of each other, we can shine together.

To feel connected to our own inner sun, connected to the real sun, creates the foundation for a positive, lifegiving evolution, starting with our health.

Balanced by the sea.

Danced with spirit.

Protected by cork

What is put inbetween cork, is what becomes. Maybe it’s in the symbolism of wine, and in the metaphor of it as truth telling. Regardless, what I write in my notebooks with cork cover, becomes.

Here in Portugal, actually already in 2015, I started writing diaries again in the same way, I used to as a teenager and young adult.

Within the scope of handwriting, I become closer to my own heart again, without necessarily thinking about it as a future blogpost, article or speech, although I sometimes scribble down notes about them too.

In my diaries, in the language I use then, I can reclaim my own voice, reflecting it in a dialogue with the diary, often to release a burden, and sometimes finding an unexpected insight with what naturally develops that otherwise wouldn’t. As if our train of thoughts can be led with our own pens. That is the actual gift of journaling.

Sometimes it’s to create something, catching an idea and putting it on paper, to be able to keep the sentiment, to be able to express an emotion.

I have written diaries since I first learned how to write. It’s the most intimate of all our relationships.

Have you ever written without focus? Letting it flow without assignment and specified topics? In coaching, we use journaling as part of self-assessment and goal planning. While this is good and useful, try also to set aside some time to just write it out what you’re thinking and feeling.

It’s your freedom!

Lighting up

We become, through the words we speak. We become, through the meetings we have. We become, when we see and are seen by the other. Most of all, we become, through being one with the light, so we can reflect it back.

Is this not, what is meant through the teachings of the old Testament, that the New Testament in the Bible is sharing? And are we not living the Bible like the neverending story?

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. The same was in the beginning with God. All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life; and the life was the light of men. And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not. There was a man sent from God, whose name was John. The same came for a witness, to bear witness of the Light, that all men through him might believe. He was not that Light, but was sent to bear witness of that Light. That was the true Light, which lighteth every man that cometh into the world. He was in the world, and the world was made by him, and the world knew him not. He came unto his own, and his own received him not. But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name: Which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God. And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth.(KJV John 1:1-14)

Every writer holds the power to create, so what are you creating? Life? Light? Love? Sharing?

And every time we talk, we have the power to ignite and sustain passion, when we speak the truth. To heal we must be allowed and respected to share not only our past truth but what we want to create. Are you allowing me?

When I came here to Portugal in 2015 to visit, it was to become baptised the right way with God.

Connected through history

I am not sure whether to refer to “my inner child” as a part of my soul, or as my spirit. My spark.

In my quest to heal, I did feel a calling to go to Portugal to find out, the first time in 2015. And now here again, since summer 2019. I was here as a young child.

What I do remember is a vague memory attached to a photo of me, as a toddler sitting next to a caught swordfish, with my grandparents from my Dad’s side, with me. Since the sword is a signicant symbol for my family and my grandfather collected antique sabels and swords, it feels fun with the swordfish. Perhaps it’s our “aumakua” the way Hawaiians put it, ie our guardian spirit for our family.

I have also realised that we were here BEFORE the Portugese revolution, that only cost them 4 deaths, their coup d’etat in 1974, which is of significance, since we the Charpentiers, once had to flee from the French revolution in 1789. Ironically, some nobles of other families fled to Portugal. Am I not here then to heal the need to flee? Or is it my destiny to constantly be chased, because of either my nobility, or my survival of the Polish action during WWII, through generations? Not to mention, that apparently a Eurovision song was the sign to begin the Portugese revolution, Eurovision as in the song contest using the theme intro, that my great grandfather once composed. I would rather ride a little dressage to that tune, to dance on a horse, a little like this.

I am refusing politics!

We were simply here on a week’s vacation in 1972, to enjoy the sun and the sea, the food and the sights, and the local culture. Like always!

To feel joy.

The right to smile

One of my biggest caveats (pun intended) in life, has been my teeth. I had braces, lots of different kinds, for most of my school-years, until I was 17, got a perm, and finally felt I could be attractive and make out with guys.

Fast forward to spring 2004 when my dentist suddenly said that I had gotten about a dozen cavities (after having none during past years, besides harmed enamel on one). The year after, I had to get emergency surgery in Honolulu and of course I sought to get it all fixed when I came back to Sweden…

But, I had to wait for most of it for THREE YEARS. And then, it still wasn’t over. Another TWO YEARS before I could get a replacement done. And this even with some money of my own, good state benefits and time to, in the south downtown of the city where we have the university education for dentistry? It was then in 2008, I began to really question if there was something else going on, if there was someone who didn’t want me to smile on camera, on TV, performing. Not to mention eating properly, romantically, and to express my genuine positive attitude that I was known for, at Malmö University during my studies to become a coach in personal and organizational development, where I also started with my professional speaking, after being sabotaged from making presentations at some of my former workplaces as a copywriter.

Finally, in 2010 before I went back to Hawaii, I could smile again. In 2012, the other half of my mouth also became emergent and was luckily fixed in 2013 and 2014 back in Sweden, again after one had to be pulled out in Honolulu.

Yet, not all were fixed, again weirdly delayed… and with a specific grant approving the cost in 2016. What is Sweden doing? Why do I still had to wait for another FOUR YEARS?

Who has a problem with my healthy lifestyle, happiness and looks?

What was done in 2010, now must be redone 10 years later, and the pain is just like it was before that, as if these years haven’t even passed, and I’m still waiting.

All this to stop me from working (besides the intrusions and stalking) even outside of media? Or simply to stop me from dating, getting married and have children?

Luckily, there also are good dentists in Portugal…

So grateful to get that compliment yesterday from a cute stranger on Instagram and some emergency treatment here today.

Half human, half divine

Are we not all half human and half divine? How does that look and come into play with our personalities and egos?

In my quest to heal myself, often with others’ help, I have discovered the difference by feeling and watching myself, and applying Hawaiian and New Zealand knowledge about how we have one side of the body corresponding to our father’s side and the other to our mother’s.

In some of my photos, my right side (eye) looks a little dead, provoked when I have to become angry to defend myself, but can often be revived by sunshine, dancing, playing and love. What sometimes happen, is that my mother’s spirit comes down to protect me from harm, since my Ego, ie my own protective shield has become too attacked and therefore I am fighting on an actual physical level of survival since several years, requiring that. It’s her I see sometimes in my right eye.

The Ego displays our personality and charm, I believe, which I hope I am able to show you in my other photos in this blog. My inner child expressed.

One of the women harming me, apart from being denied a substitute income or compensation by the Swedish state adding unnecessary stress, has taken away my soulpiece it seems, which you can see in some photos in her eyes. Also half, or not herself, not showing her own inner child.

It’s this I’d like to correct. What I have learned to practice in Portugal, is to call on my own energy back. And it’s here I found out that it seems like Jesus had the same division in his face, that was explained like this. But, wasn’t he harmed and had to fight for his survival too, ie not safe enough to heal his own inner child?

Creativity energy

In 2014, I came up with an idea on how to create an event at the Statue of Liberty in New York City, that I visualised in front of me as a celebration of victory and peace.

It’s designed to present the idea of securing one’s homeland with the different branches, representing the natural elements. Borders for protection but with freedom within, that I think Isadora Duncan also stands for, as well as Hawaiian Hula. What if the generosity and hospitality known of the United States simply is Hawaiian? Can you picture an enermous lei around the Statue of Liberty? Dances and orchestra, speeches and flags… I have my own choreography in mind.

The other day, here in Portugal where I currently am, where I also was in 2015 for a vacation and healing, I stumbled upon these monuments reflecting part of my idea, on my way to go grocery shopping for glutenfree products. This one made me wonder: Who does the Eagle belong to? 

These discoveries on my walk, to me is the result of the creative intention energy that wants to manifest. What if you could support me to go to the United States? Instead so far, one of the Swedish embassy workers in Lisbon, Cristina Xavier, insinuates that I am living here as a resident, that I had debts in July (when I had my own money through a nobility grant) on my vacation and that it’s my fault that others don’t pay for what have used by me, while I’m still stalked and sabotaged with intrusions and thefts, thus not helping me neither with money directly or helping me get some from another source. Again, I’m forced to beg on the street instead of working, for more than the last three years, instead of being featured in the regular media and sell my books with adjoining speeches, discussions and projects!

The woman who helped me take the last photo, handed me a picture card of Jesus holding a lamb. It reminded me of how love looks like, how we should love our inner child. A true gift!

Changing perspective

We will always encounter people who we don’t like, or people who don’t like us. This always causes feelings of upset; anger, doubt or less self-confidence. To curb this both within yourself AND the other, own your thoughts and emotions.

First, you need to acknowledge what you feel and why.

Then, you define the problem and the desired solution. What would you like to be done and what can you do yourself? What does the other need to contribute with? Ask for that.

If the other is unwilling to, or simply refuse to answer, imagine all the reasons why. Is he or she feeling afraid of becoming exposed or ridiculed? Then your job is to ensure trust.

Is he or she coming off as a busy snob? Imagine the layers of insecurity that can lie beneath that surface. What if he or she is simply envious? What is it then that he or she needs him/herself? Isn’t that something to feel compassion for?

Relate the issue to your own experience, or perhaps to someone else’s that you know well, and find that place within, where you are the bigger person to forgive and let go. 

What is there about the other person that is good? There is always something good about every person and you can always learn something after any event. All you have to do is change your perspective. By choosing to look through a positive lens, this will take you to the next level of your own personal evolution and give you more freedom and sense of power!

Bereaved of joy

It was when I saw that glimpse of my own inner child’s light in the side rearview mirror in Hawaii 2004, when Jesse took me on a ride around Oahu, I realized how I had lost something.

We refer to babies as “bundles of joy”, or perhaps pets that we also can love unconditionally, but what if these are just outer reminders of what lies dormant within you, beckoning to be expressed?

True joy is never dependant on anybody else than yourself to experience, but we’re always interdependent. It’s this responsibility that I see many people refuse assuming, especially in the self-help business, where everybody just want to manifest money to themselves.

In a harsh world, we no longer are bundles of joy towards each other since we all fight for our right to eat, sleep and love. And sometimes that joy, inherent within our soul, flees, or is chased away, by evil tongues and acts, whether through our own or more likely others’ reckless behavior not considering the true vulnerability with which we live here on earth, where our lives can end in a split second.

Our soul is wisdom, our spirit is the spark in our eyes and our voice, that embodies passion. It’s this that constitutes our charisma, radiating when we are whole and coming forth when we get to do what we love with respect and support by others.

I felt I lost mine when my mother became terminally ill in 2003, but perhaps even before that, little pieces had left or become buried down. It’s this healing journey, I started to reclaim in late 2014, 20 years after it had been peeled off so much it had made me physically ill.

What do you win on bereaving me, yourself or anybody else of their joy? Would you have more of your own if you hinder others? What can you do instead to enable both yourself to feel joy, and others?

Transforming our thoughts and emotions

A big part of Professional Lifecoaching is to enable different perspectives and growth opportunities for our clients to develop a plan to reach goals with, whether to improve a relationship, get a new job or take up an old hobby with better time-management. To find a new perpective requires the ability to dare to think creatively, and one of the cornerstones of increasing creativity is to dare to try to do the opposite. That is thus my foundation of what I would like to present.

How do we then transform a belief about someone or something? I believe that saying affirmations and wearing pretty quotes on the wall isn’t enough at all to create change. In fact, it might even create more emotional resistance, since what we are “supposed to feel” is often not at all what we really do feel. So, instead of merely focusing on changing our thoughts, I have come up with a series of examples a year ago on how to transform “bad” or “negative” emotions to something more positive, uplifting and caring, based on my own frustrating experiences where others have stalled solutions that I focus on. Something that also feels empowering to do – it’s the secret in itself – to act towards a solution and a change.

My hope is to help my readers and clients find their own examples to try and apply in their own life, whether by inspiration only, or through coaching sessions with me of course! I call this transformative coaching.

The emotions I aim to share how to transform, are:

Grief into Joy

Hate into Love

Self-doubt into Confidence

Guilt into Responsibility

Slander into Praise

Disbelief into Faith

Sadness into Gladness

Greed into Generosity

Despair into Hope

Fear into Trust

War into Peace

These are my pearls of wisdom to create more harmony in life.

Pure poetry

It’s when we dare to express ourselves from our own inner deepest feeling, we become true. Maybe only another writer would be able to understand the hesitancy when others interfer, misinterpret, mock and wish it would be about them. So, we write what is appropriate, airy and polite. Keeping the truth to ourselves instead of praising the splendor we see around us.

It travels through my body, until I let it become in my heart. A yearning to be enveloped.

Maybe it was him that day in New York City in 2003. The cute guy who suddenly made me stop and smile when he looked at me inside the Soyluck club cafe on 14th street. When walking later and the day after, I ended up getting lost, back to the same spot several times. As if he was reeling me in.

Seventeen years later, I dream a little. I hear our shared light laughter with love.


Any change is an opportunity to improve. What if we now get a chance to create a more healthy and sustainable society together? What would such a society look like?

My ambition is to start a worldwide franchise called Telluselle Living Center where people can come together and discuss, try, and evaluate improvements of their lives and the life of their community, with focus on green health.

What does a good job look like and what is most needed in society? How can we ensure a fair and just agriculture with only necessary trade to lessen transports? How much electricity, gas and water do we need? Where and how do people want to live and why? Which specific skills can you use to serve the world with? The key to all this is to be centered around fulfilling your own needs and contribute to the fulfillment of others’ needs with a sincere belief in everybody’s right to be happy, healthy, whole and prosper. 

Through coaching, creativity workshops, qigong and dancing barefoot to increase flow and happiness, and the use of biological products in a supportive environment that encourages education and personal growth, we can solve these issues and create a model house, where we also find the space to develop a more consistant relationship with earth. In harmony with each other and earth.

And as shared in English on my webpages since 2009.

Making love

One of our needs, still so taboo to talk about, is the one with potential to satisfy many others we have, but not always.

It was in the early 90’s, I learned the difference between having sex and making love, in a longterm relationship with the same guy. Having sex can be both good or bad, yet just sex. Physically satisfying but only to satisfy a need, if we let it be so. Lovemaking creating an emotional bond, but where the body can be put in second place. Isn’t it between these two most get caught wandering?

Making love is founded through a shared opening and meeting of hearts, including during the act. A willingness to let down the guard and share vulnerability with mutual respect and care. To see the other in the eyes at the same time that we are joining together. Have you tried it?

Have you felt the difference and can you tell, and decide when is what? The interexchange of physical vibes, touch and space in the moment is needed to create an intimate dynamic together, always a pre-requisite that seems to be overrun nowadays. It must rather be upheld even as we all evolve into a more digital society, (although a little foreplay can be created with words, connection and imagination ignited online).

How will a younger generation learn the difference if they go from chatting to bed directly, rather than letting the energy of the moment grow into mutual lust?

Blending, tending to the other’s inner child when we can’t ourselves, creating a third ego, a family shield.

Getting to know your inner child

Your inner child is represented by the pure joy and wonder with which we are born into this world, whole and complete according to the beliefs of holistic healing.

To get to know your inner child thus, require a deep contact with your soul, your original self. To dare express that which lies dormant and true, aligned with the spirit that connects us with the whole, with God, soul with Mother Earth. A truth about who we are coming from insights, helped by our studies perhaps, but nonetheless emerging through our understanding of our own experiences. A feeling, deeper seated than the emotions our ego display to protect our self, or show off, leads the way.

We can loose a part of our soul, our inner child, through a trauma, ie an event that has been directly perceived as life-threatening. It’s a survival mechanism, to let that piece leave and not have to face the cruelty of man. And to be returned only with acceptance and care in a safe environment that we ourselves decide.

Finding this connection with our inner child can be done through various means like creative play, through art, sensual touch and flirting, sleep (met physical needs) and sunshine; an allowing of self to shine. Do you let others shine?

Ripe for release?

When is it time? Not only when are we ready, but when are others ready to receive our message?

A part of me wonder of course, if there is a Divine timing to my book-releases that will become when it comes out in the news, or if they indeed are put in the shadow by certain others on purpose? 

Today I ran into a person I have been wanting to check in with for a moment about something, how perfect timing!

This question about whether others are ready for what we want to sell, was something a business acquaintance of mine made me aware of more than 20 years ago. This is why marketing teams sometimes need to have surveys done and have small groups test new products first, before a release.

Often, we wish and plan for our goals to be met but the majority out there will still affect everything, unless God really does decide. Exiting, isn’t it? Who does?

You can find my books on Amazon and Kindle. 

Looking for the perfect house to live in

Most of my adult life, I’ve received compliments for my looks, both clothes, and hairstyle. But many times when I looked in the mirror, I didn’t feel it was really me. As if the clothes and hair were nicer looking than me. Always hunting for new trends.

My home too, have always been decorated by myself to reflect balance, color-coordination and serenity with lots of green plants. Vintage and modern combined. Like in a magazine both my mother, landlords and friends have said. (I do deteste disorder, but only my own.) But, was it looking too perfect?

Living abroad has made it possible to see a variety of styles for me to be able to create something new. Here in Portugal, especially with their tiles and roof-tops.

However, the main need for both my body, home and town is the same: the right temperature. No matter how pretty clothes I can find, or home, or country, if I am cold, I can’t relax, express myself fully with my body-language and even get rested. This is why I need climate change! And live among warm hearted people, which I don’t feel in Sweden.

To be able to become and house my best self.