Making our home ready

To have a place for our soul to live is both about having a home and a body it feels safe in. Many people who experience sever traumas have described out of body experiences or simply know a piece of their soul leaves temporarily, sometimes attached to the body but not grounded inside, ready to leave if a similar threat would occur again.

My soul retrival has been done in several sessions which has taken many years to integrate. It is through a combination of meditation, prayer, breathing and lomilomi massage, this is made possible, upon learning to eat, process emotions and sleep better with more awareness. Most of all, we must make ourselves welcome with self-love, which starts with forgiving and finding compassion for ourselves.

This in turn requires a safe place to eat and sleep, among other friendly people, and/or with solitude to be able to relax fully without any interference, together with joy and celebration.

And sometimes it’s given back to us through another’s exhale.

Healing our chakras

If I’m nauseous, then what chakra or place in the body, does it correspond to and why? The first clue is always found in our body and our posture. How am I sitting and walking? As a dancer I’m being made aware of this as soon as I enter the studio and the correction begins. Myself first and then a little extra by my teacher.

Outside the dance studio it’s different. I’m often too cold, sabotaged and trying to fight it off and soon it’s easy to forget. In my 20’s, I used to remember to correct my posture in the store’s waiting lines, always able to spot any other dancer by the way we can walk. Not dancing made me loose some of that straight back and outwardly natural welcoming expression. Could this affect how I feel? Of course!

It starts with breathing, but even before that, making room for our lungs to breathe. Is my body a room?

In the style of Isadora Duncan dance, we lead with our solar plexus in our motions and it was by learning this in 2014, I began to really heal for keeps.

Emotionally, it’s about making room for us to feel, and spiritually to be connected to the whole.

How can this be considered a mental illness, which Sweden long has wanted me to have as a diagnosis? Am I then thinking in the wrong way about being cold, tired and hungry? Am I supposed to deny myself food, water, warmth and shelter? Why am I then being denied, or have it taken away from me, for almost 10 years?

The four phases of healing

Each trauma is a crisis causing stress. How we deal with this as human beings has of course been researched much and it was also when I read the book “Crisis and development” by John Cullberg in 2001 at Malmö University, I began to understand myself, my stress-level, coping behavior and my needs.

In short the four stages are:

1. Chock

2. Reaction

3. Processing/Treatment

4. Taking new direction

In order for us to heal any traumas, we have to be able to go through these phases, with adequate professional help and social support within reasonable time, ie the natural course of time. Any delays, shortages or obstruction will simply become another trauma.

It was when I read through the author’s list of examples in 2001 that I made the astonishing discovery that I had been through the majority of all the traumas he mentioned except for being incarcerated… then.

The traumas we experience must also be understood in the conditions and culture we are living in and the age we are in when it happened. Naturally what is perceived as a trauma as a child, might not be for an adult or even vice versa! Likewise some are national or international by their nature, impacting many such a hearing in the media about terrorattacks and how the Swedish primeminister and foreign minister were murdered.

The traumas I have endured that are more than the regular stages of developments we all face, are:

At the age of 2: Escaping grenades in Lebanon while my Dad held me as a shield.

At the age of 4: Watching my mother almost misscarrying and bleeding with premature birth 7 months pregnant in Sweden after we hastily left Germany where we temporary lived.

At the age of 5: Almost drowning in a pool at a summer party with my parents in Denmark.

At the age of 7: Suffered a concussion including spending a night at a hospital alone in Sweden.

At the age of 9: Orally raped by a classmate called Jonas in Sweden.

At the age of 10: My first bunny called Skutt fell ill and had to be put to sleep.

At the age of 12: Submitted to an open children psychiatric clinic in Sweden for 3 months by my patents, without a diagnosis.

At the age of 13: A classmate died in a car accident after our Middle school class was split for two different high schools.

At the age of 14: Our family was threatened by KGB (and SÄPO) and my Dad wanted to sell me as a wife to Afghanistan, while I was called “the plank” in school due to being flat chested (and a year younger than my classmates).

At the age of 15: My parents got divorced.

At the age of 17: I was stalked the first time in Sweden.

At the age of 21: I was sexually assaulted at a dinner date in Sweden.

At the age of 22: My front knee ligament was torned off during an aerobics class and I had arthoscopy performed in Sweden.

At the age of 25: I misscarried and was laid off from work with unemployment to follow in Sweden.

At the age of 26: My mentor in copywriting died suddenly in a heart attack in Sweden.

At the age of 29: My mother got cancer in Sweden.

At the age of 30: My German step-grandmother died from Leukemia in Sweden.

At the age of 33: I saw the devastation at Ground Zero in NYC in the United States.

At the age of 34: My mother died and I had to undergo foreclosure in Sweden.

At the age of 37: I received hundreds of nethating comments and a couple of blogposts after I had tried to perform Hula on TV.

At the age of 38: I had teeth surgery under the needle in Sweden.

At the age of 39: I was stalked in person, while also made homeless, in Sweden.

At the age of 40: I was stalked in person in the United States and had to get a restraining order and go to court there.

At the age of 41: I was arrested by the local police for shoplifting in Honolulu and then detained by ICE for 338 days, including 5 months in the SHU.

At the age of 42: I was deported from the United States.

At the age of 44: I was severly stalked and intruded upon inside my apartment, learned about how three important people in my life (my former English teacher, my minister at Unity church and my Hula-sister and attorney) died within a couple of months in the United States, and I almost died after a severe bloodpressure fall and was thteatened by authorities who wanted to lock me up in a closed mental institution in Sweden after I had finished compiling my blogposts into my second book and sent to the UN.

At the age of 45: I was forced into a locked homeless shelter in Sweden where I was assaulted, after being called stalker on the front page of the evening news after going to Athens on a dance conference and suing a yogateacher for copyright infringement in Sweden and after going on a vacation to Portugal.

At the age of 46: I was made homeless several times, stalked in a hostel with rats, removed a pipebomb outside a Stockholm subway entrance that the police ignored, in Sweden.

Then of course, moving and changing schools, grieving the deaths of my maternal grandmother and grandfather, my mother’s half-brother, my paternal grandfather, my other bunnies and favorite horse, were also upsets.

When experienced traumas impair daily lives and/or are re-lived again, we get Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Healing through faith

In holistic healing, many practices are so called spiritually based in combination with natural/herbal remedies.

Which ones work and how do we find faith in the midst of it all? Do we need to believe in a source outside of ourselves or rather in our own body’s, mind’s, heart’s and soul’s own capacity?

When I was nine years old, a boy in my class at my new school walked me home after a birthday party and tried to kiss me violently. It was awful to feel his tongue down my throat and possibly became part of the problem later in life for me to go to the dentist without panicking and gagging. It would however take another 30 years for me to realize, heal and improve with a positive result.

What if all my health problems were a result of prior traumas?

Let’s take it step by step.

The nine year old girl

It was in 1979, I started feeling weirdly nauseous the first time and couldn’t fall asleep. I was very skinny, but all my levels were right on the chart when my parents took me to the doctors. All my vaccinations were done and I rarely got the flu but for a cold once or twice a year.

I had suffered from a concussion the year before, after falling over a cord in a dark classroom when I had been told to raise the volume on the tape recorder on the desk up front, while the substitute teacher was standing in the back, managing the slideshow. I had become unconscious and was later taken to the hospital for a night but recuperated from that with several weeks of rest without being allowed to watch TV or read. I soon regained playing.

We lived in a nice house in Lund, in the south of Sweden, with a big garden filled with apple trees. And my room faced the side with a tall bush of lilacs making it scent all the way in. I had made new friends both in school and down the street, and my little black bunny Skutt had come with us when we had moved from Lidköping. In Lund, we lived close to the big university hospital, so one winter when we had had much snow and storms, we saw and heard military helicopters land on their roof.

I was born in Uppsala in Sweden 1970, and lived there until 1977, but for some six months in 1974, when we lived in Heidelberg, Germany, where my Dad made research to his dissertation in Ethnography, before he became a writer and had his first book published in 1979 – a book about the Russian invasion in Afghanistan.

We left Heidelberg in a hurry, my Mum and I, since my brother decided to arrive two months early. My Mum studied too, languages and literature, and then started working as a secretary. I attended second grade directly, when I started elementary school after my parents had decided that I’d take an IQ-test, ie I was a year younger than all my classmates. I started taking ballet classes 1978 and continued in Lund 1979. I also started to love horses and went to visit the nearby riding club.

What was wrong then?

Hi world!

Which healing method works the best and how do we create an everyday wellness that makes us feel both fit and happy, body, mind, heart and soul?

In this blog you will find posts about how the founder Hannah Telluselle received personal development and an improved health with qigong, meditation, yoga, chanting, organic hair and bodycare, African dance, Ecstatic dance, Hawaiian Hula, Isadora Duncan, Lomilomi treatments, Ho’oponopono, coaching and its tools, prayers, choosing food, interior design and relating more consciously to nature. All that Telluselle Living Center is about and will offer to others!