Are you anything like me, you probably see vitamins as a pick-me up sort of medicine that should give us positive effects that lasts upon completion. We think of ourselves as tired and lacking a substance of some sort and then go and buy vitamins.

It isn’t until the last couple of years, I have accepted the necessity to always eat some every day. I vary my intake a little depending on season and needs, stress and sleep and most of all symptoms I might have, such as feeling too cold in need of iron.

The most important thing when we choose is to take into account how our body can absorb the content. The more pressed and refined, the harder for the body to use. The more natural, the less strong, but more like food.


Right now I am trying this one out, that besides the essential vitamins and minerals also contains Q10. Have you ever tried it? What do you think?


Last week,  I met an Estonian young woman of 25 years old, who spent her layover in the same hostel as I. She had just arrived from Bali and was on her way back to Estonia, although with much apprehension. Before going to Bali on a vacation to live cheap, she had lived in Australia for two years, becoming a personal trainer. The apprehension for her, was the feeling of perhaps being forced to return into the kind of person she didn’t want to be, or simply not get to work with what she just had found to be her passion.

I couldn’t agree more. Naturally, I shared my own experience of having lived in the United States and then coming back to Sweden, not only once but several times. This time around has been even worse than the times before. It is indeed a reversed culture shock first of all, and indeed a real challenge to adapt again, preferably in a new and positive way where at least our experience and new found knowledge and confidence gets to be used in an enriching way. Do we ever?

I see opportunities everywhere, for myself personally, and for others. It is why I chose to become a Personal coach to help others find their own best careers and life-balance. This in turn translates into actual pursuits of course, whether finding a new place to live, a new job, founding a new business, reconnecting with old friends, making new, applying a broadened perspective or simply by the language.

There comes a point though, of not wanting to adapt anymore. For me, my turning point was in 2014. Usually, we delvelop more patience and more tolerance. But, we also develop our values and standards alongside preferences and worth. It is a treasure in itself to have lived abroad like no other. It is a mix of personality and culture blending old and new, in a different setting.

The trend since then, as I perceive it, is a generation with an increased inclination to move abroad for work upon college, often directly which in turn creates a new point of reference on both how we work together, and what is called home. How can you build anything sustainable without setting roots first? This to me is a dangerous development in Europe, where I think Sweden is overflowing with new immigrants while Swedes either hate them more, or become weaker in their own sense of identity, less integrating.

My hope already as a young traveler in the 90’s was to be a bridge for cultures, but every time I try to, I become more opposed or sabotaged and ignored.

The encouragement I gave to the Estonian woman was of course to not see her homecoming as infinite, but rather to regroup and try for a while before moving on to for example Norway or Sweden where many do, like she mentioned. This way, a third option after Australia could become something new and more narrow to build upon.

As for me, I set out the intention of becoming an American citizen in 2010 with action steps taken. A lot of testing and learning along the way is definitely necessary to mature. All good. Still want to become one.


The last years I have been realizing not only how and what I eat, but also that when plays a part in my overall health experience. It is quite an uplifting motivation to get to know one’s body enough to feel it from within what works and what doesn’t, when and why.

Factors that plays a part for our digestion and assimilation are:

  • Stress level
  • Hormones
  • Allergies
  • Time of day
  • Physical needs such as for exercise
  • Combination
  • Herbs and spices
  • Preparation (boiled, fried or raw)
  • Climate temperature

All these have an effect on our energy level and affects one another. An example is that a little of the same helps, such as adding a little oil to your pasta when you have salmon with it, interestingly enough makes it easier for our body to absorb fat, as well as an added snack of carbs again later. Whereas I can get a little nauseous the day after if I have boiled potatoes at night to my dinner, eating a bag of potato chips can make me feel less. However, if I have boiled potatoes for lunch and some other kind of starch like rice or pasta with my dinner, I feel better. A couple of sugar-cubes or teaspoons straight up, can make me anything from nauseous to take it away completely.

All this can be felt in our bodies and even differ a little from time to time depending on the listed factors above. When getting to know what works best for me, this reminded me of how I have heard about Chinese Medicine and their way of dividing certain foods into giving and taking energy, elements and connection to organs while assessing a person’s individual needs. Practicing Qigong ha enabled me to get to know my body better. What have you discovered about yourself? Do you see a pattern somewhere that you know is working for you better? If it is good for you, it is healthy to follow!

Here is some more about it.



LogoWhen I first started dancing classical ballet in Lund, we used to do turns on the diagonale across the floor and I felt so proud that I had learnt the secret of turning your head first before the rest of the body follows, spotting at a point on the wall. Over the years, this was not necessarily forgotten but hard to follow with the extra stress, loss of dance practice and the twists and turns of life coming inbetween. Someone stalking me as a teenager made me feel like I always had to be on the run.

However, when I changed career to work as Professional Lifecoach, the name for my business became Balancefocus, registered in late 2001 as my second business, and soon this became a metaphor for keeping a clear view of what is important and finding balance in life. I worked as a Lifecoach parallel to my studies and after until 2004 when I left for Honolulu to grieve my mother and restore a more thorough approach. After my return in 2005, I continued again with the addition of small dance workshops, but was suddenly threatened in 2006 again after I was in 2003 which forced me to go on sick-leave until 2007. I was however again sabotaged and threatened (beginning in 1996 and in 1997 when I started my first freelancing business as copywriter after a couple of years as employed) and therefor decided to move back to the United States in 2010. After a good start, I was again stalked and sabotaged, whereupon I was forced to return to Sweden. After a year of recuperating, I wrote my second book and finished editing my first and was about to start working again in 2014. Whereupon again, my life was destroyed by some impostor or stalker.

My preferred coaching is indeed with private citizens one-on-one where I ask questions similar to a really good interview where you grow insights about yourself, your pattern of thinking and behaving, what your goals and dreams are and how you can reach them. To our assistance, we have lots of tools for time-management, making an inventory of your skills coming from your experience and education and ways of exploring what you are longing for the most. To reach these goals or simply feel better about your life, an improved self-confidence is usually a must wherefor we cover that too, using things like affirmations and mirror-work to discover which needs and conditions you lack and prefer. And of course which values you live by setting boundaries and what fuels your passion. Living a life in balance is to make room for physical exercise, mental training, spiritual seeking and emotional intimacy besides work and sleep, food and rest. And recreation! All in moderation and flexibility with a sense of taking responsibility.

Naturally, similar to therapists, it goes by evidence that living by and trying on these different tools for our own lifejourney is a must, including having been coached and being trained to, like I have through my research and classes at Malmo College (University). Read more here. I also offer coaching in small groups where the members have similar goals or simply would like to grow in awareness and expand their thinking to define various virtues with examples, as well as assist Human Resource Managers and unions with career development discussions and physical fitness centers with Lifecoaching for their customers together with their personal trainers.

Not too surprisingly I found my way back to the dance floor with classical music and new ways to spot to keep my focus. What is yours?


logo_flower_smallThis past Sunday after evening mass at church, I received some much needed and welcome feedback on my business idea by a guy from the Netherlands who is working with industrial management for KTH in Stockholm. We were talking specifically about the house that I would like to build since architecture was his first major and sustainability with smart energy solutions is part of my idea. How can this be incorporated in the build?

His response was that because of the planned design of natural bamboo, most investors and inventors would rather remove themselves from a project like this unless there would be a new material or some kind of technology added to the structure, making it interesting to invest in for them. Using natural material in a simple way, suggest going backwards, he explained. Thus, partnering up with some kind of already working feature or creating a reason to invent and improve, would gain more interest.

I said I was going to ponder about it and it was of course invaluable to learn when planning and seeking investors. On the other hand, it also becomes a reason to decide to keep it natural and simple anyway, based on preferences and the people I hope to work with, alongside adapting to a location.

The actual decision on this, is always found in flexibility and with colleagues of course, but also by budget and offer. This type of feedback is crucial for business development since it provides one with another perspective formerly not taken into account. Who can you get advice and suggestions from? And who can you help? Find someone today!

We are going to make it modern in a simple way.

Photo shows first sample of bamboo flower for lei to members, made a couple of years ago.


What happened in 2011-12 and the lessons in that, is something I wrote my second book about. I want to be able to share with the world and make sure that everybody that I met would be portrayed and cited as correctly as possible in hopefully an empowering way, to enabling healing and correction. It is also a witness testimony and the way I was able to return to myself – however not to return to Sweden… You can buy it here!


So, how do I get back? From a coaching point of view, plans are made, budget taken into account, preparations communicated… and then meanwhile things change in society, whether rates or rules, or stalkers and terrorists break havoc on what is good and positive, while at the same time we must take into account all this, timing with others and of course our own health, affected by this stress, which in turn is the foundation for the application for a visa. You can support me by donating here!


IMG_3339As some of you may know, I am a student of Hawaiian practitioning since 2005. It started out as an interest in shamanism and later followed by being introduced to Hawaiian Hula, which can be held within a Christian framework or Buddhism. In Hula, there is both modern and ancient types of dances, which includes chanting, or ‘oli, as it is called. Together it becomes a way to tell stories about legends, nature, history and love with our hands and motions together with adornments like flowers and clothes. There are also several other facets of Hawaiian culture, which may include Lomilomi massage and healing, music, crafts and spiritual guidance. (Find videos at our Facebook page.) I exercise Ho’oponopono which I will offer you at Telluselle Living Center besides coaching one-on-one and in small groups. Have a look here for some examples, if you would like to learn more!


My aim is to provide a positive place for good meetings to occur that becomes a little like a Greek forum for meaningful discussions and art, for relaxation and rejuvenation but in a interior style combining east with west.  The question is how to budget this build, keeping it small enough to be quality, but big enough to be profitable in ways that support the art. One way that I am trying out this, is by checking out the market for various activities such as coaching groups and book circles in Stockholm. This week I organized two more.
IMG_3320I have tried using newsletters, PR and flyers when I lived in Malmö and the past two years in Stockholm, I mostly use the digital platform called MeetUp (available for most cities) to market and hold these small events, at local coffee-shops and small studios for now. A rule of thumb is that we receive a 1% paying customers turn-out of our target group, meaning number of sold products or services, with attendees, when our marketing efforts work well (minus unforeseen world-events). Making it count is everything!


The reasons why I can’t remain in Sweden much longer are many, so many it already became part of destroying my new life that I was starting over with in the United States in 2010-12. Then it led to deportation instead of volunteer departure which I first was ruled, giving me a 10 year ban from re-entering unless waived. But instead of either enabling me new opportunities in Stockholm, start my business or supported to return, I have been obstructed from even having my own apartment, less becoming employed with more than 300 job applications sent out, even though I have at least ten years of work experience of both being self-owned and employed with higher education.


The walls we build should be keeping intruders from trespassing with unlawful entering, which I never did and never do. Instead I am being even more intruded upon in the already isolated culture in Sweden. The wall against Mexico, however, is something I do endorse.

While I was in immigration proceedings with my valid visa, I was held at FDC Honolulu for 338 days which I have written a book about. You can find that and my first one on If you have any suggestions or questions, please comment!



petite_roseYour presence complete me. I thought it was just for the books. Imagining how it would be to have you sit next to me on the train. You do in a sense. Personal protection at its best.

You found me all the way from Hawaii, imagine that!

My heart grows still, my grief lessens, fills with light, anger removed. Almost like having you inside me.

And then a little girl coming like an angel, but neither yours, nor mine, until now.

Family in spirit. Secret marriage.



I went for a walk today down by the water to enjoy the greens and found a perfect spot. I always try to walk offside the common path to feel the untouched ground beneath my feet and climb around the rocks a little to immerse myself into mother nature, hopefully without taking too many risks. To my assistance I have the good memory of riding horseback in the woods growing up, climbing hills and plowing through snow and gravel with fierce determination. One with the horse, letting me become one with nature back then. But first, breathing by the water. And enjoying summer warmth and fresh slices of watermelon. I love the light as it starts to set, just as much as I love to make things grow.


The whispering people, trees are called in a Native American tradition. Bye for now!


There is a saying that what you can’t eat, you shouldn’t put on your body or in your hair and I keep that in mind. This also is important for deodorants which used to be a hot topic among holistic medicine advocates, allegedly contributing to causing breast-cancer. Naturally, this too was something I took to heart.

I became a half-vegetarian in the end of the 90’s in an effort to improve my health, especially to calm down my sensitive stomach. At the same time, I also suffered numerous break-outs and had a sensitive skin. I must have tried almost all brands, both cheap and very expensive such as Lancome and Biotherm, just as I took antibiotics for three months. But, after spending some time in Hawaii in 2004 and 2005, I met an organic hairdresser who had just opened up his new salon in Malmö, Sweden upon my return, who also had been to Hawaii. Joshua introduced me to the brands Santé and John Masters Organics which I both tried and instantly fell for, finally feeling a difference! I have alternated a couple of times with Eco-cosmetics and Uertekram, but for the most time, simply returned to use JM that I use to the last drop. These products contain nothing but biological ingredients, some organic, and their facial series are based on Aloe Vera instead of water. I used to dream of never having to wear make-up every day. Now I can! (When I do, I have tried Jane Iredal, Nvey Eco and Anne-Marie Björlid besides Santé and in the wintertime in Sweden, I have also used Rosenserien several times.)


In fall 2008, I also realized that I had a problem with wheat and barley so I had become glutenintolerant, perhaps increased due to stress. After removing that from my choice of foods together with cooking rather than frying, increasing my dance practice and taking more iron and pure Aloe Vera gel internally, after about three months I finally felt so much better, it was as if I became a new person! Something I treasure and would like to keep. These still are my favorites.

Do you dare to make the change? You never know, they might even be from heaven scent.


Summer is an awesome time to catch up on projects that haven’t been finished and make new plans for fall. I have always enjoyed living by a school year in my planning, to be able to grasp a reasonable time ahead to reach goals, yet with flexibility. It is this the latter that is the hardest to coach and be coached about. Some call it worry, others call it reality-check, sometimes it is simply unforeseen circumstances, other times it is others’ free will. Either way, we must look both ways before we start off. And let it grow before attempting to harvest, with positive attention, cultivation and rest.


A good way is to have a goal in mind and then set reasonable milestones per month accordingly and thereupon narrow down the actual list of to-do.  Now, soon time for a vacation!


A hui hou,



One of the nicest things about having lived abroad is the ability to compare, which allow us to grow in understanding and see more variations. While I was out walking yesterday, a little more on the countryside than inside downtown Stockholm, I recognized some plants and rocks that used to fascinate me growing up.


My mother shared that this particular plantain is used to cover and clean wounds. And this pretty piece of pink granite is commonly used for countertops and tombstones and is a continuous geological development from lava, which comes from my father’s knowledge. In Hawaii, sometimes ministers use a ti-leaf to wrap around a new piece of lava as a blessing for a newly wedded couple, similar to Mazeltov, it feels. Through this we can recognize that we all come from the same origin.

20170709_183735 (2).jpg

And from Finland comes the tradition to use bundles of birch to cleanse ourselves in a sauna or used as a broom, similar to in a native American sweat-lodge. But right now, I’m enjoying the summer warmth outside!



Had an exquisite couple of hours where I wrote down my goals for the rest of the year, to make myself new to do-lists which always alleviates my stress and renews my sense of positive focus and inspiration, including how to approach my next book project.


I pulled out my new silk to see how to go about sawing it into a tunic. I had realized that the hole for our heads had been cut out in the wrong way before, wherefore it didn’t feel right with my other. As I pondered about how to fold the seams, a spirit moved the fabric into perfect position! It must have been my grandmother, who loved to saw. That also made me realize the necessity to pin it first of course. I am not that good at this, can you tell? I will do my best!


Then I found some Bach concerts for piano (no2) to listen to and just let myself try a variety of motions, letting them emerge naturally, energized by the music, first with some Hula hands getting intuitive with my heart and soft hips, then developed into Duncan style. Would love to do a whole choreography sometime.

Followed by a walk in the sunshine, enjoying recognizing some plants and their use from growing up.


The clouds start to parade outside my window and a cold wind stir the trees. I lit a candle and sat down to edit one of my books with some final touches.


Laying it to rest and then picking it up again is essential both to test its validity and to fine tune each word, each sentence, each paragraph and page, layout and to be filled with the exact meaning I have chosen for it, once the story has been told. I want my text to be like music that way, hold its own rhythm, accentuated at certain places, vibrate in a certain tone at others, be inspiring and make my point by offering these real life experiences that yet will always be too elusive to portray with words. Told my way, in my style. Sometimes I manage to, the spirit of the essence starts to flow through me onto the keyboard and words come out. First we must surrender. Put aside all our own procrastination, all our own expectations and pressures, all our ambitions in a sense of letting go of how it will be perceived, not because we don’t want a great audience to find us or for our book to be found, but to free ourselves from our self- and societal imposed limits to what we think we must write. Then, we just do it.


To my help I am surrounded by spirits from near and far. And Strindberg.

I put up a note inside the door to an apartment building on Strindbergsgatan 44 in 2013, looking for rent. In my former apartment last year, the man who rented it out to me had two paintings with Strindberg’s portrait on. My current has this bust.


Sometimes we do little things and forget about it, only to months later find it was a blessing in disguise. This past spring I have had to move a lot and almost felt I would have to start living on the street almost due to all delays, setbacks, sabotages and stalking, especially financially. To stay safe I have both prayed myself, asked people around me and churches for help and to be shown where to go. I have received giftcards and money that way as well as abundant loans at the pawnshop with bonus making a real difference.

Earlier this year in the winter I passed by the City Backpacker’s hostel and saved their business card. However I first used it to leave a greeting on the backside for the landlord I was subletting an apartment from over Christmas where I also had stayed earlier last year. It seemed like it was furnished from my mother’s but that just mostly made me smile about the magic of spirits. He left the business card on the table when it was time to move out and I put it back in the pocket of my green planner, where there also was small stickers with letters on them from Moleskin. Then I forgot about it.

However in mid-April, I had to change hostel and went there. It certainly felt like a very welcome respite and blessing, away from the cursing and meeting lots of nice people in a nice environment and when I moved out, I noticed an old book that I had seen at my former landlord’s. I smiled at it and didn’t say anything but hoping it was a good thing. Most of the rooms had big letters in them, each one of their own. And a Canadian friend enabled me to pay just in the nick of time to be able to keep the roof over my head and food, shared alongside quotes from the Bible that had me in awe because it changed me the moment I read it, so that I would regain my own faith and composure.


Later in May as I had to move again, I discovered what I had kept in the pocket of my agenda. At the end of the month, I also saw that the sticker with “Makahala” had found its way into my Bible that I sometimes carry with me in my purse. It made me feel very moved since I was blessed to stay with a new friend from Siberia and her family, that I had gotten to know through a Buddhist center close by where we have chanted. (It deserves its own blogpost.) Many little things were turned around by colors and objects to make things even in quiet. Not to mention getting to taste real home-made Borsjtj!

This is what I like to refer to as signs and blessings from the angels. And nothing but Aloha that I receive to be able to endure this transition elsewhere, now when enough evidence has been gathered against the Swedish government to my report thereof to the UN for systematic breaches and my books soon have been updated with edits.

THANK YOU! I share not this to boast, but to instill hope so that you too may believe. Believe in receiving and believe in giving! We make a difference to each other.


It is said that dance is not of the Bible, but it is! It is for us to rejoice with cymbals and cheer such as in: “I will turn their mourning into joy, and will comfort them, and make them rejoice from their sorrow” – Jeremiah 31:13. It is even said that Isadora Duncan was one of the apostles in a former lifetime, praising God’s creation.


What I know is, when we dance to music without song, we allow our bodies to be embodying the Holy spirit with which the music was composed and through this, we can express our own divinity more freely. This also opens up for a variety of dynamics and feelings in our motions according to personality and theme.


Photos showing an Angelcard from Kimberely Marooney and Isadora Duncan dancers at Old Westbury gardens from Lori Belilove and the Isadora Duncan Dance Company in New York City,



I have had the pleasure to feel the presence of another angel a couple of times this past two months when I am rested. It’s like a little girl that protects my energy, cheers me up to make me smile, asks me to hurry or to wait a little by invisibly sitting on my head (except in church where she was pulled up). She teaches me in spirit to think about what I need to change to be a good mother. All what we do is often out of habit, that so many take for granted or not even consider how it must change, because it happens incrementally and naturally giving birth. But what if we suddenly have to assume the role of motherhood to someone else’s children? Would I walk the same pace or buy the same things at the grocery store? It must be practiced or at least be made aware of, which is what I am trying to do when I am not being stalked. (And I so love noticing how kids often come up to me or curiously look my way when I am in the store or at the subway, as if to find someone to dance with.)

When I grew up, I did consider adoption in some form to be my priority to ensure that the children already here on Earth would receive what they need first. Not ruling out having my own though, safe away from Sweden.

Many things are taught to us in spirit if we are open to it. It can be little reminders of how our parents or grandparents used to do things, teachers or ministers and healers, and of course God and Jesus through the Holy Spirit. This is what we call inspiration. We then apply it to our current situation or wish with our own ideas and preferences, and hopefully merge the old with the new to create a better understanding and enable evolution to take its course step by step.

We do this by taking a breather and re-evaluate our direction as well as our communication. When a new generation is formed, what happens to our own assumptions of how we think we are perceived? What if children starts reading my blog? Have I ever considered that? No, not really, since they are not my target group. Unless I change that and make new plans. So, which plan is the right one to follow?

What if the only thing you need to know about following God’s plan is this: just be a good person. We are here to learn to love oneanother and create Paradise together. Everything else is up to us, to choose to be where, when and how with our free will. We will be naturally drawn from time to time to be at a specific location at a specific time, in order to be that good person to someone else. So then, we make our own plans. At best we feel supported to follow through on what we set out to do, but often there will be obstructions and changes. All these changes happen due to recent developments.

A development always imply a change. Developments can be positive or negative to you. It can be something personal or in your immediate community and organization. Or it can be worldwide or within a nation for example due to climate change, conflicts or new directives from authorities. Therefore each day we must be awake to our surroundings as well as our own needs and wants, synch them together or move to better pastures. And companions.


Late last night, I had been sitting by my computer to do some writing and was feeling tired but still wished that I had went out for a nice walk in the warm evening, so I did.

Since I already had a piece of apple that day and some leftover lettuce leaf, I brought that with me and felt intuitively inclined to walk on the right side of the big road behind my house. I dropped my little scrap close to a bush on the ground, hoping a bunny would find it. Just as I had entered the decided path, a young seagull sat on a lamp post directly in front of me, crying loudly alone. I walked passed it. Close by I saw two cans for paid recycling and thought to myself that must be my payment for providing food and picked them up, yet startled with a little bad conscious and feeling frightened to not have brought the lettuce and apple with me for the seagull, so I walked back and got it while it circled over me a little and followed me along the way a block. Then it disappeared.

Later before I went to sleep, I also thought it could just be God wanting me to eat and go to sleep earlier of course, exhausted as I am of all the setbacks that seems to occur right when I start recuperating.


This made me wonder how much it is our responsibility to share food, to whom, how, where and when, which is the real question for the world.