Often, setting boundaries can be a bit daunting. We might feel a bit awkward about saying no to someone or something. And quite frankly, sometimes we don’t even have a real excuse, but just not feeling up to it. Then it becomes good to remind ourselves that setting boundaries isn’t just about whether we should say yes or no to going somewhere, but a matter of taking good care of ourselves and getting our needs met. Energy is our body’s currency. By setting boundaries we can economise our spending.

How do you know if you need to set one? It’s like many other things often just a feeling in your body. You might feel irritated or tired when you think about going. You might not feel like you can afford it monetarily or time wise. Then it’s usually an indicator of your need to set a boundary.

On the other side, is getting out of your comfort zone. Sometimes, we get our needs met better by leaving our self-imposed boundaries, when they have become excuses not founded in actual needs of retreating.

To find a proper middle ground, you can decide to rather set limits than boundaries, such as if you have a tendency to binge watch a TV-series, decide to just watch one episode per day instead. How does that make you feel? More in control, trusting in yourself better, and as a better caretaker of your resources? Then watching two, can instead become a treat.

So, as we’ve entered the season of indulgence, where do you need to set a boundary to ensure your own well-being?

Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always been drawn to learn more about indigenous people’s way of living, whether to learn more about sacred spiritual practices and shamanism, or to live in harmony with nature and to ride well bareback, like Native American Indians. I used to horseback ride for about 8 years during my school years in Sweden and even worked weekends at the local riding club to earn some extra cash and to get some free extra riding classes. We also often rode through the woods or cantered over open fields. The connection I was able to create with my favourite horse(s), was my starting point to connect with nature and to enter the spiritual realm.

No wonder then, decades after, living in Hawaii on several occasions and getting to know some bits and pieces of their indigenous wisdom has enabled me to gain a more solid foundation and perspective on life, building on my interest since childhood, and knowing how my grandfather also had taken an interest in the Swedish indigenous people up north; the Sapmi, where he first lived and when my dad was born.

I believe that we can translate indigenous wisdom, not only literally, but to apply in our modern western world to create more peace and harmony. This is part of my aim for building Telluselle Living Center. Here, is a short version of my presentation and slideshow of the Hawaiian values and how these are carried out in everyday life and culture, what they encompass and what we can do too.

Aloha!

According to Feng Shui, the year of the Snake 2025 is about shedding layers, which will make room for the Horse to emerge with fire next year. This can be translated both in terms of any behavioural patterns we want to change, and getting rid of things that no longer fit us or that carries an energy we don’t want.

Where and how we live, reflects who we are and what we value. You can make this work for you, by consciously go through all your items in your home, including your wardrobe, and discard (sell, give away, reuse or throw away) those that no longer fit you or no longer are aligned with what you’d like to achieve. You do this, simply by asking what an item means to you:

Do you value it because it was expensive?

Does it hold sentimental value?

Is it something you actively are using?

Does it align with your own values, such as what it’s made of and what you believe in?

While Feng Shui is its own science, you don’t need to worship anything, but rather see it as a tool to improve your home and improve your sense of wellbeing. If you’re Christian like me, you can for example use these principles if you feel that it makes you into a more loving person and better at being of service, while not hoarding. And this enables you to make room for more, or other, things.

The trend of becoming an influencer has created a surge for many young women to believe that posting a reel can both make them famous and give them an income. While it can happen for a few, for the majority it doesn’t. And even so, being an influencer is not a creative profession in itself, but being a model. It requires the building of a personal brand in order to influence others. To help people understand more about this, I’ve written a guide called “A book about Creativity”. Here is a slide show presenting some of its content:

To read more and receive real-life examples, you can find it on Amazon or Kindle!

Today it was below freezing in Stockholm, Sweden, when I woke up and my soar throat had gotten worse. It made me realise how grateful I am to have and be able to drink the kind of teas I prefer. I have chosen this brand since more than two decades regardless of whether I’ve lived in Sweden, Germany, Portugal or the United States and feel happy with them. In the morning, I enjoy Ginger-Lemon with honey, to wake me up gently and boost my immune system. When I want to give myself some more care, I choose a cup of Green Chai.

In the afternoon, I like to drink some Hibiscus tea that is both refreshing and re-energising without any caffeine. Sometimes I choose Echinacea to curb a cold or regular green tea to aid digestion.

All in all, making conscious decisions with awareness enable us both to feel free and in charge of our lives, at least in this department. And of course, this means that we can set the conditions for good health the way we want. A true life coaching necessity.

Which teas do you prefer? Or do you prefer coffee? And do you consciously choose tastes and brands when you go shopping?

One way to ignite your creativity and ensure that it’s not just a mere exploration of your imagination, is to think of something you would like to change or improve. This can be a method or a process on your job, the way you think about something, a problem you’d like to solve, or a call to create an actual invention. Our change in society is driven by creativity. We invent new technologies and through the use of it by majority, we also change our society. Some of these might feel imposed, just like when someone suggests a change on your job that you feel resistant or question to implement. But nonetheless, these inventions might be important to get to know so you can make an educated choice whether or not to adapt or to check in with what is working well to keep.

A way to think about changes thus, is through the lens of creativity. You reach these through posing curious questions like:

What would I like to change and improve?

How can I approach these changes too?

How can I benefit from undertaking this change?

How can I solve this problem?

Why is there a need to change?

How do I want it to look like?

What do I need to learn?

Who can I do this together with?

To help you see various perspectives and narrow down which action-steps you need to take in order to change, as well as come up with ideas how, meetings with a life coach like me will enable you unbiased and empowering support.

When you look at a change as a prompt for creativity, it becomes more of a positive experience.

Now that we’ve entered the month of November and thus are approaching Thanksgiving in the United States (It’s already been in Canada, and in Sweden we celebrate a day of gratitude the second Sunday in October), it seems like an opportune time to delve deeper into the practice of gratitude. Normally, I write down things that I’m grateful for once a week in a journal. But this can be expanded into areas, where each area can get their own attention and examples of appreciation.

So, the challenge is to write down 10 things you’re grateful for in 10 areas of your life! Areas can be:

• Health
• Family
• Home
• Work
• Friends
• Faith
• Past-time pursuits
• Finances
• Nature
• Knowledge

What we are grateful is of course individual, but it can be of things we have received, it can be meetings and what someone has said or done, what we feel we have and enjoy.

Take out your journal, or make lists on your computer! By all means, share it too. And remember, the more we’re sincerely grateful for, the more we’ll notice and receive.

Whenever we dread something, feel nervous and anxious, or simply don’t know how to navigate around an obstacle, it’s easy to focus on the actual obstacle, trying to overcome it. This however, will only make the obstacle feel unsurmountable and bigger than it usually is. As someone who used to horseback ride a lot growing up, I’ve learned a trick.

When a rider sets out to jump an obstacle course, it’s crucial to look over the obstacles and onto the way or even to the finish-line. If we look directly at the obstacle, the horse stops and doesn’t want to jump over it. Through this, we can learn that if we focus on what is coming next, or what we’re going to do once we’re done with the scary dentist appointment or other thing, our mindset can shift into seeing it just as a step on the way. So next time you find yourself facing an obstacle, think of what you’re going to do after it. This way, you’ll feel less pressure and more flow.

Last night when I practiced Isadora Duncan dance at home, I wore my new built-in top and it was such a relief! In the beginning when I started dance practicing ballet and jazz dance growing up, we all wore leotards and tights to enable the teacher to see our lines and correct our motions, besides staying warm. Then doing other styles as an adult and with fashion changing to jazz pants and yoga leggings, it became natural to let go of the leotards and use a regular tank top and bra instead with them, which of course covered up my self-consciousness as well. Wearing a bra, one would think would be needed for a see-through silk tunic too. However, that would go against Isadora Duncan’s whole idea – Dancing: The highest intelligence in the freest body.

It does make a difference! Wearing a bra restricts both our back and shoulders, arms and chest, and makes it harder to dance simply – a must to let go of. And being grateful for my small chest size instead, exactly enables me to dance. So, now I’m back to wearing soft tops and leotards again, and therethrough receive unrestrained breathing and movement, letting each dance motion extend from within. Then something wonderful happens. A free body, enables our spirit to feel free and through this freedom, joy can spring forth.

Yesterday while I was doing laundry, one of my neighbours and I started talking. He shared that he bartends in a club that has Stand Up Comedy performers and urged me to come and check it out. It got me thinking when I came home, how we all need a good laugh now and then. And how I produce them, to make myself feel better.

Life can be very tragic. And often, just like with the old Greek theatre masks, sometimes we might put up a face opposite from what we feel, like smiling when we’re sad. But sometimes, we can also have a hard time staying serious, when what we’re facing seems hilarious to us. I’ve learned that being transparent and authentic decreases the drama and real connections can instead forge; to let our face display what we truly feel. I’ve often been told that mine is like an open book. And while this might sound embarrassing to some, to me it’s a relief to not have to hide anything or having to put up an act among others, and therefore not be afraid that any skeletons would fall out of the closet.

So, to give myself a good laugh, I usually just turn to my own imagination. I imagine a scenario with whomever I’ve interacted with, or am about to, or through my own wishful thinking too of course. When these play out in my mind, I naturally start laughing. It lessens tension and lifts up my mood. It’s not like joy, that stems from within through an actual experience, but it still makes us feel better.

Which kind of entertainment do you take to, to relieve stress and get a good laugh?

Photo of masks borrowed from this site, where you also can read more about them.

A while back, I heard someone saying that he didn’t believe we could change our thoughts and that is why he was stuck in depression so long. I couldn’t disagree more. Changing our thoughts is exactly what we can change! And by doing so, we can change how we feel. We do this by changing perspective. The best way I know, is by applying the opposite. Sometimes, we just need to put something aside, let go deliberately and do something else physically for example. But at best, we’re able to process what we think and feel so that we might come to a different understanding, even by choice. When this process of change has taken hold within, we’re able to embody it and thus transform our mood, emotions, and energy.

To use the opposite, try thinking of what would make you happy about a situation rather than sad, pleased rather than annoyed, loving rather than hateful, inspired rather than envious, caring instead of harmful and so forth. It can be done by assuming a stance of pity at first of the other, growing into compassion. It can be finding what you’re grateful for not to have to endure yourself, and for what you have. And it can be to assume leadership and taking charge of what you’d like to do and begin to!

Even better is, that we by transforming this energy ourselves, also can transform the energy of a room, an event or a situation. It can be by bringing stillness and calm into riled up arguments, to bring order into chaos and to bring discipline and focus into disarray and upset, when there is drama without real threats. Often, it’s just a matter of standing our ground, standing tall, and remaining firm. To me, this is even what doing the yoga pose Vrikshasana (the tree) is about. To sway if we must, but to keep the balance. With the add of a prayer, we can even transform it into love with forgiveness.

As with most things in life, how we think and feel becomes a decision.

To read examples of you can transform different feelings into their opposite positives, click here.

Whenever things happen to us that we feel have been upsetting, or even traumatic, we can reframe the event to make ourselves feel better and lift ourselves out of the emotional state of victimhood, by choosing how we look at it.

First, we can look at it as a lesson to be learned. Is there something the other person has said or done, that we can take in and delve upon as a lesson? Maybe it’s just a matter of communication and learning to be more clear, direct, and distinct, when we talk. Maybe it’s a matter of daring to set a boundary more firmly and having done so, can sometimes result in a reaction that becomes offensive. And that can be what is behind another’s accusations.

Second, we can look at it as a test of our own values and integrity. The more someone wants to speak badly about me, and for the most part based on total lies or unfounded accusations, without ever talking to me directly, the more I stand tall in my own convictions. I get to try what really is true, who I am really, and where I stand in this issue. And through this, I grow in integrity. Something that also allows me to let go of another’s opinion and continue on my own path with more openness towards others instead.

When we face what we’re not, we see what we are. Someone much better, and therethrough this instead, becomes confirmed. All resulting in a better sense of self and confidence.

There is something very grounding and uplifting to walk on sand with bare feet, enjoying the sun. It’s also a very special feeling to walk through the forest and meeting wild animals, among the scent of lush trees and wild flowers. Altogether it gives me a sense of place, that I now have begun to feel connected to, through my na’au, as it’s called in Hawaii – my invisible umbilical cord that I have with my home. I think it’s through this connection, our energy merge with the mana (core power essence) of the land, so that we become one with it. And this is what is shared, when we dance Hula.

So, I jumped at the opportunity to go down to the seaside where I live, a couple of days ago, when we had some more summer warmth and sunshine and the little beach not so crowded, so that I could dance a little, barefoot on the sand. And while the music is Hawaiian and the lyrics describe life in Hawaii, I dance to what I can relate to, both there and here.

The dance thus can begin to become an extension of me, rather than just something I try to portray, I hope! Here is a clip:

Aloha!