Happy Valentine’s Day! Whether you’re in a long relationship, a new one, or single, today’s is a good reminder to focus on love and what it stands for, for you. You can do this by inquiring yourself about what worked and what didn’t work in your previous relationships. Do you see a pattern? Is there something in your own approach or being that you can change to not attract the same if it’s nothing you want? It’s very common to settle for less and just be with someone out of our wish to belong and be accepted in societal norms, but this can be our egos talking more than actual love. More specifically, what is it that you think is important for a good relationship to be loving and satisfying?

I have during my own life concluded that we can attract people on various levels, that actually matches our different chakras. It’s through these energy centers we blend, attract or repel each other. Then, it’s up to us which levels we want or prefer and prioritize to build with and commit to, if we aren’t matching on all of them. We rarely are. Or we are at first and then grow apart perhaps. Add to this the subtle, or not so subtle, differences between cultures and countries, languages and generations – no wonder love can be so complicated! 

How we become attracted and match another, depend on our situation and where and how we meet. But generally speaking, I’ve found that it’s on our four levels of physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual, that we either connect and develop our relationship, or have different types of relationships for the various levels, depending on what we’re seeking and what we’re focusing on. 

The physical level – is all about chemistry, that pull, that takes you almost through a screen or photo, or better yet, an exciting energy that flows between us when we meet. A yearning to touch and be touched. A level where our looks and charisma matter the most, and where our main goal is to have good sex. 

The intellectual level – is all about two minds connecting and sharing ideas and ideals, such as when we meet someone we study or work with. It can be a creative partnership, a mutually complimentary relationship where both bring their own specialties into the mix to make something better. Here the main goal is to understand each other and to be understood.

The emotional level – is all about growing our hearts towards one another and be allowed and encouraged to express how we feel and why. To learn how we become affected by what the other says and does, and vice versa. And to become aware of what triggers us and what is anchored in a past experience that might filter and alter our perception and reaction, in need to be dealt with and healed. To make this relationship work, we must feel that we share an equal openness and vulnerability to not become fastened in positions of dominance and powerlessness. At the emotional level, our goal is to feel connected.

The spiritual level – is grounded in sharing our beliefs and faith. This doesn’t mean that we must belong to the same church or even religion, but if we are to morph into a healthy relationship on this level, we must at least share morals and values. That can be where we stand politically on various topics, as well as how we look at the world and other people. This is the level, where most dealbreakers are. It’s hard to grow together and work towards creating a mutually satisfying life, if we’re not agreeing about the fundamentals of how a good society should look like. The goal on this level, is to become joined under a higher power.

The most gratifying relationships are the ones where there’s a constant dynamic and flow, where each level corresponds and intertwines with the other person’s. However, we have many types of relationships and sometimes there is a relief in it only being an intellectual kind or perhaps a kind based in church and nothing else. The most important thing is to make it mutually matching so that neither person feels that he or she has to give in or suppress any of the four levels. Can you think of people in your life that you have right now, or have had, that fits on the physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual levels? Is there someone fitting on more than one?

If you’d like to learn more about my own personal examples from both Sweden and Hawaii, you can find several in my first book. The first book is called “The Call for Divine Mothering – applying the keys to paradise” and is about my grieving journey after my mother had passed away and I decided to examine and explore love, which became both deeper and broader than I expected. In my third book “The Call for Divine Harmony – finding pearls of wisdom”, my journey took me to Germany and Portugal, where I reconnected with my inner child and found joy again. I also defined more examples of aspects and virtues that I think are important. Both books can be found on Amazon and Kindle. And if you’d like to listen to this blogpost as a podcast, you can do so on both Spotify and Apple.