One of the first things that we become greeted by in the United States, is usually the question: How can I help you? While it mostly is posed to sell someone something, or out of politeness, it still is one of the more important ones to remember to ask, also when someone is asking for help. I’ve had to ask others for help many times, when I’ve been desperately broke, even in several countries, so I know the vulnerability that comes with having to rely on others to survive, and how hard it is to say no to what we don’t want, when we might have nothing. Nonetheless, we must only say yes to what really helps us, and no to what doesn’t, even if the other means well. Unfortunately, sometimes people offer to help because they want to be helpful, rather than actually help, or they have a set of rules or a system in place that doesn’t make room for the flexibility that is called for. An example is when I’ve been out of food. Getting a grocery bag filled with food that I can’t eat (for example gluten and lactose) or simply don’t like, is on one hand something to be grateful for, on the other hand completely devastating those times I’ve been shoved one, without being able to eat any. But when I lived in Honolulu 2010-12, I was told a good tale by Ramsey Taum on a UN Peace day celebration, that I’ve kept in mind and share in my first book The Call for Divine Mothering. It goes like this:

Once upon a time, there was a goldfish swimming in a bowl. He was swimming around and around but didn’t get anywhere. One day, he decided to take the leap and jump out and explore life outside of the bowl. But where he landed, there was no water and he couldn’t get up. He screamed for help several times, but nobody helped him. Finally, a monkey noticed the goldfish lying sprawling on the ground next to his bowl with water. The monkey offered to help and lifted it up. And hung the goldfish in a tree.

This all takes us back to our needs and the importance of showing others respect and trust, to discern when someone is being honest and authentic and respond to their plea when we can, in the way that the other is needing, rather than just helping based on assumptions.

How can you help someone today?