As we approach the fall equinox tomorrow here in the northern hemisphere, I feel inspired to write about balance. The fall equinox (and spring) is the time of year, when day and night are equally long, where there is perfect balance between light and dark, of yang and yin. What better opportunity then, to bring in some more balance to our lives?
To create more balance in your own life, think of how much time you spend doing certain things and see if you can compensate with the same amount for rest and sleep. While scrolling too much is never good, it can still be a way to relax and unwind after hours of intense study or writing, for example. Then there is of course tending to all our needs. Balancing alone time with time in good company with others is important, just like what you put on your plate and hydration. Having balance between giving and receiving, is the foundation for all health and relationships.
What if, this balance is the pre-cursor to creating more balance in your family and community too? In our cities and countries? Can we help each other to create more balance? To me, balance is fairness. When we treat others with fairness, we can see that justice becomes served and that everyone can receive equal opportunities, especially when it comes to take care of and meet their own needs. To not only be allowed to work, but be able to pursue the path we choose based on our actual ability and competence. And with this notion, comes the brutal truth of putting limits on immigration. Movement across borders becomes the precursor to more movement. Do all immigrants really need to migrate? Can we who do, be discerned among the masses? Or should we open all our borders to anyone and everyone? Would I have to migrate if I had a good job, made my own living, had my own home and family? If I could feel safe from authorities’ imposed suspicions of both my ability to work and my mental health, and yet assumed cheating? With little respect of both my physical safety and health, and emotional health? And if I can’t find that here in Sweden, who loses on me finding it elsewhere?
Balance is fairness. Fairness is justice. How about we all try to make life more fair?
Ever wondered why a coaching session only should last for 45 minutes? This is because, 45 minutes is the proven time that we can remain focused and listen, before we need to take a break. Most of us enter conversations with a set of emotions that we either carry due to other people and circumstances, or due to a previous meeting or talk that had us become upset, or even positively anticipating and expecting, that we might now fall short of. This together with the need of processing what has been said, and what we would like to say and how, makes it important to learn how to do this before and after, so that we better can enter a dialogue refreshed.
A dialogue is by nature a conversation built on mutual respect, interest and confirmed conditions, such as when, where and how we’re going to hold it. Furthermore, a dialogue is concentrated on finding out more about a person or an issue, rather than stating one’s opinion. At best, a good dialogue enables an insight to unfold and a solution to become proposed by the person in need. This is what Socrates referred to as using the dialogue as a maternity technique.
In order to conduct such a dialogue, or a coaching session, we need to let go of our preconceived notions, to reset our minds and hearts to neutral with an openness to connect with compassion, but also to dare challenge the other. We need to have our own needs met, as in being rested and prepared, so that we can assume full presence. We do this, by listening deeply to what the other person is conveying by tone, choice of words, pauses, body language and any emotional charge behind the words. We do this, by taking on a positive approach where we do believe in the other person’s capacity and ability to solve his or her problem, or simply clarify goals and needs, and how to meet them. We also do this, by showing up as ourselves, with honesty and trust, so that the other can relax and feel safe with us.
When both client and coach show up with the same will to succeed, success will follow.
One of the first things that we become greeted by in the United States, is usually the question: How can I help you? While it mostly is posed to sell someone something, or out of politeness, it still is one of the more important ones to remember to ask, also when someone is asking for help. I’ve had to ask others for help many times, when I’ve been desperately broke, even in several countries, so I know the vulnerability that comes with having to rely on others to survive, and how hard it is to say no to what we don’t want, when we might have nothing. Nonetheless, we must only say yes to what really helps us, and no to what doesn’t, even if the other means well. Unfortunately, sometimes people offer to help because they want to be helpful, rather than actually help, or they have a set of rules or a system in place that doesn’t make room for the flexibility that is called for. An example is when I’ve been out of food. Getting a grocery bag filled with food that I can’t eat (for example gluten and lactose) or simply don’t like, is on one hand something to be grateful for, on the other hand completely devastating those times I’ve been shoved one, without being able to eat any. But when I lived in Honolulu 2010-12, I was told a good tale by Ramsey Taum on a UN Peace day celebration, that I’ve kept in mind and share in my first book The Call for Divine Mothering. It goes like this:
Once upon a time, there was a goldfish swimming in a bowl. He was swimming around and around but didn’t get anywhere. One day, he decided to take the leap and jump out and explore life outside of the bowl. But where he landed, there was no water and he couldn’t get up. He screamed for help several times, but nobody helped him. Finally, a monkey noticed the goldfish lying sprawling on the ground next to his bowl with water. The monkey offered to help and lifted it up. And hung the goldfish in a tree.
This all takes us back to our needs and the importance of showing others respect and trust, to discern when someone is being honest and authentic and respond to their plea when we can, in the way that the other is needing, rather than just helping based on assumptions.
There is something very grounding and uplifting to walk on sand with bare feet, enjoying the sun. It’s also a very special feeling to walk through the forest and meeting wild animals, among the scent of lush trees and wild flowers. Altogether it gives me a sense of place, that I now have begun to feel connected to, through my na’au, as it’s called in Hawaii – my invisible umbilical cord that I have with my home. I think it’s through this connection, our energy merge with the mana (core power essence) of the land, so that we become one with it. And this is what is shared, when we dance Hula.
So, I jumped at the opportunity to go down to the seaside where I live, a couple of days ago, when we had some more summer warmth and sunshine and the little beach not so crowded, so that I could dance a little, barefoot on the sand. And while the music is Hawaiian and the lyrics describe life in Hawaii, I dance to what I can relate to, both there and here.
The dance thus can begin to become an extension of me, rather than just something I try to portray, I hope! Here is a clip:
One of my personal development goals in the late 90’s, when I first started reading self-help books and decided to become a career coach, was to become a better listener. By reading the book Co-Active Coaching and by practicing with clients, I learned that not only did I need to be more present, but in fact we become more present, when we learn to let go of our own preconceived notions and listen with intent.
There are three levels of listening according to Whitworth and Kimsey-House.
The first level: We might hear what the other is saying, but mostly we’re thinking about what to say ourselves, or what the other means, thus listening more to our own thoughts than the person talking.
The second level: We listen with more presence and more professionally, to what is being said verbally, but might at times wander.
The third level: We listen with full presence, not deciding what to answer until the other has finished talking. We also listen to the cues not spoken, such as any emotional charge behind the words, what the body language is conveying and whether there are awkward pauses or hesitancies. Then we can address these too, while we summarize what we heard our clients say, to better phrase the next question in order to develop the coaching session further.
When we listen from a neutral stance, the other person feels more heard. Try it!
After attending an event today with Marco Robinson, behind the movement and books Start over, I saw once again how much storytelling means to all of us. I’ve also attended an international MeetUp group for storytelling during this past spring, to practice my own oral skills. Storytelling, when done from an authentic place and for a respectful and curious audience, is what enables compassion to grow, when we can relate.
I’ve used writing for many years to process my experiences and to reframe some of them into what became lessons and of benefit to me; hence my books. Some stories are both easier to share in writing and deserve a larger audience to enable others examples they can use and apply on similar issues or situations. But there is something very special to say it out loud to others and realise the resemblances of what many of us have gone through, to learn how we’ve coped and been able to grow from our experiences. When many share similar stories, it also forms a stronger community and eventually society.
Sitting in circle, is my preferred way, so that we all get to talk equally much, we all can see each other, and we all can listen more intently. Through this way, we can create a stronger sense of group intimacy and confidentiality. A good way to get to know both ourselves, others and the way of the group.
Which are the stories that you tell yourself about your own accomplishments and inadequacies, and what do you tell others? Are you talking from a sense of ownership and empowerment, or from a sense of victimhood? We may not win all battles, but we can be the winners of our own lives. What we’ve overcome and improved, especially in service to others, is what really matters, not what the story is about.
To begin writing your story, you can start by journaling. To reframe an event or relationship, see the pattern with more examples, and dare to change perspective. Then share!
Have you ever felt a need in your body to do something more than out of reflex? I think, this is where the secret to forming a good habit lies. We set out to practice once a week for example, and then sometimes we can’t, or don’t want to, and we become upset as well as lose our practice. Then we try again to hopefully be able to stick to our new routine. And while this can become a positive and life-giving routine, we can lose touch with our bodies’ actual needs, whether that is to rest more, to be outdoors more, or to exercise more. If we don’t listen to this, our practice can become something negative rather than positive for us, which is why it’s so important to be flexible. But at a certain point, our practice becomes an inevitable need that our body craves and tells us.
By beginning practicing at home more, because of Covid, I’ve become more in tune with my body’s needs. One day, my back is feeling tight and that means I need to do yoga. If I feel cranky, shrinking inwardly and almost in a slump, it’s definitely time to dance more. If I feel overwhelmed with unwanted emotions and stress, I do qigong. This more fluid way of practicing, adapted to what we go through, can be an alternative, when we live in circumstances that prevent us from practicing on a regular schedule. Then our way of meeting these needs, can become the good habit that forms a good routine.
We live with lots of routines – whether that is in which order we get ready in the mornings such as whether we shower and get dressed, or eat breakfast, first. You’d be surprised how much difference that can make for your physical wellbeing as well as your emotional stress-level. The same thing for how we go through emails or what we do online and when. Setting our own boundaries can start with getting to know our own routines and habits. How do we do now and how is this working for us? What would we like to change, why, and to what? What is a must and what is your own preferred way?
If you’d like to have me as your sounding board for forming habits, I can coach you through zoom in Swedish or in English. Just send an email to hannah@telluselleliving.com to set an appointment. The first session is complimentary!
A good way to enable boundary setting, is by looking at, and deciding, our own standards. A standard is a value that we live by, a level of what we think is good enough to let into our lives. This can be set in terms of what we acquire, the things we buy or eat, such as choosing organic when possible. And they can also be set in terms of what we allow ourselves and others to do or not to us or with us. These standards and their adjoining boundaries, then becomes our way to uphold integrity. They also say something about our taste and style; what we prefer and who we are.
Generally speaking in society, good standards can be to have access to fresh water, and to be able to heat up our apartments during winter. It can also be that most people have their own jobs and can afford their own living.
What setting standards boils down to, is what we find good or bad. It can be what we think of certain brands, or for example certain type of TV-shows or books. This is usually defined as culture vs pop-culture. When I grew up, it was important in our family to only consume good literature and what is deemed of high cultural value, such as real art. Of course though, this meant for me to excitingly explore some of the more commercialised sides and therethrough develop my own standards, and also to learn the difference between art and entertainment. This in turn becomes a standard for creativity. What is truly our own and authentically unique, is usually very artistic, whereas the more common, general, and mainstream, something is, the less creative it’s usually considered. A standard thus, is a matter of the quality that we strive for.
Which are your standards? Where do you draw the line for what you want to let into your life? And for what you let out? While this can be seen as setting high expectations, it can also omit what’s not good for us, and more distinctly help us to find our real tribe.
This meditation is inspired by Hawaiian healing practices. Go and watch the real sunset if you can. Let your eyes linger softly at the horizon, slightly below the sun. Or watch a photo for a while. Connect with the sun.
Take a deep breath.
Visualize the sun entering your solar plexus. Let the light expand inside of you.
Breathe in the light.
Think of any harsh words or actions anyone has done to you lately. See them as little rocks that you can pick out of your own bowl of light.
Pick up the imaginary rock symbolizing a negative interaction. Think of the person, and incident, and inhale. Say to yourself:
I release you. I let go. I forgive you. I’m free.
Exhale.
Do this as many times as you need. Return to your center and feel your bowl of light fill up.
Have we gotten stuck in our comfort zones when it comes to online practices, or has it become the only way possible? Which are the pro’s and con’s of practicing at home, whether on your own, or online together with others, and on site? Does it even matter which type of practice it is, such as qigong, yoga or various dance styles?
When I scrutinize myself, I’ve come to the conclusion that these are the factors to consider:
Practicing at home/online:
Access to other forms and teachers than who might be available in your area (such as Hawaiian Hula for me in Sweden)
Access to recorded material makes it easier to break down and repeat specific steps
Access to recorded material and replays, makes it possible to practice at any time and day that suits you the best
No, or less, interactions with others
Not enough space to fully inhabit and express yourself
Easier to postpone and practice less
Perfect and keep it up meanwhile
Practicing on site:
Paid in advance makes you more prone to attend regularly
Social interactions and meeting new likeminded peers
More focus with less distractions
Bigger space to move around in
Getting outside to take yourself to class
More and easier to receive feedback from the teacher
Mirrors to see yourself better
What do you think? Do you rather practice at home and online, or on site? Is it even a question about what’s more important – freedom and autonomy, or belonging?
A couple of days ago, I passed by this cute little snail with its beautiful shell in the form of a spiral. It got me thinking of how brilliantly it can be used as a metaphor for life coaching and personal growth.
When we walk slow enough like a snail to be fully present in the moment, we can notice if we feel like we’re going around in circles. That can be things like, the same things happening again, we enter a relationship with someone similar showing up the same way, or we simply respond to a situation the same way we usually do. And get the same result. But, if you notice that resemblance in the moment, you can see it as a call to change. If you then change your choice, your response, or how it’s delivered, you’ve been able to raise a level and start a new circle, a positive spiral, and evolve.
Can you think of a relationship or situation that you would like to change? See if you can pinpoint the moment it tilts a certain direction, and think of the spiral.
A couple of days ago, when I was walking back home, crossing the parking lot, I heard a crow cawing loudly and looked up. I saw it sitting next to a big lightning rod, that I hadn’t noticed before and thought to myself how good that we have one.
The day after, when I stepped out of my apartment building on my way to the beach, I saw a big black feather on the ground and thought to myself, it must have belonged to the crow. I wondered what it meant. Did it want to tell me something?
I took another path then the one I normally walk, and saw this giant tree split in half, by lightning I presume. I don’t know when, and saw that ants were living in the trunk. Good for them!
But what if it was the crow’s home that got split in half? Why would it have to make such a sacrifice and lose its home? Had it?
Yesterday, two days after, I realized that my Swedish stalker had intruded into my home again, scraping out butter violently (for whatever reason beats me, he’s obviously not well), why I reported him to the police again, who both by email and by phone, first refused to even accept my report. Third time, they did. As if this wasn’t enough, someone also messed with one of my photos through phone intrusion and tried to ruin it with a mark on my clothes that wasn’t actually there. That too was reported of course. And then… as if by fate, all the trains from Stockholm to Gothenburg where he lives, became cancelled due to an electric malfunction after lighting had struck… Unfortunately, the Swedish police do nothing about him and haven’t for more than 15 years, neither did the German, nor the Portuguese, where he also ruined my life, which is one of the major reasons why I want to move abroad again, since I got help and a restraining order in the United States, when he stalked me there too.
Until then, I’m grateful for crow’s warnings.
More about different cultures tales and symbolisms of the crow, can be read here.
In Hawai’i, some places are considered sacred grounds. In fact, since we can’t know for sure who might be buried underneath us, we must consider most grounds as potentially sacred and thread lightly. Some places, however, hold more power and energy due to having been places of worship and meetings for chiefs, or simply because some places in nature seem to have a certain quality about them, that one can sense physically, subtle, but still tangible. To me, it can be to feel more safe, to feel undisturbed, to feel that one steps into nature’s world away from our own busy human life, more oxygenated and light etc. These kind of places, can of course be found also elsewhere than in Hawai’i, with similar qualities about them for the people living where they are. In Hawai’i, these places can be entered with reverence, care and respect, and are considered holding Mana.
Mana, can also be personal. An inherent power that we have and can get access to, when we’re living righteously and in alignment with our heritage. When we feel grounded and centered, communicating with a purpose that is for the greater good, or at least good for the people we’re talking to, sharing knowledge that we know in our bones to be true. Mana exists in our bones, teeth and hair, according to Hawaiians.
What is then good? Good, is something that others can benefit from, without taking from someone else, where nobody loses on it, and when it brings about prosperity, positive growth and health. When others use their power to obstruct and stop someone else to use his or her own power (energy, education, experiences, creativity, communication, skills, traits etc) for the greater good, one can talk about manipulation and oppression, or simply power-play, which is what I feel that I have been subjected to for many years in Sweden. Luckily, the nature where I currently live, holds mana that is helping to heal and restore me. If we were to compare mana to another culture’s concept and word, it could be similar to what is referred to as Jing in Chinese Medicine, which is explained to be our inherited essence and fertility.
Wellness practices based on this, should then rather not be about fighting against someone else’s power, but to clear, restore and nurture one’s own, so we better can express ourselves, naturally commanding respect. In today’s society, so it’s not always the case, where we have to fight against malicious, or ignorant, influences all the time. But hopefully, we can strive more to.
Photo shows a stone with petroglyphs from Ulupō Heiau in Kailua, Hawai’i from 2011.
You might have seen on the news about the increased ICE-raids in the United States, and the protests against them. Since I have some experience myself, I thought I’d share my take on it. ICE stands for Immigration Customs Enforcement and are federal agents in charge of deporting immigrants that they think are unlawfully staying in the country. CBP stands for Customs Border Protection and they are in charge of securing the border, ie who is allowed to enter the country. Both belong to DHS, which stands for Department of Homeland Security. When either finds an immigrant unlawfully staying in the country, either by not having the right visa, or even passport, or overstaying the one you had, or not in the same position anymore, you are seemed deportable and taken into custody, where an Immigration judge will decide. Unfortunately, I have been too, 2011-12 in Honolulu, Hawaii, where I studied to a Master’s degree in Organizational Change with a F1-visa in 2010. In my case, the university didn’t transfer the credits from my Swedish university in a timely manner, so I could register in the right classes and not have to retake the same or similar, which not only would be time-consuming and un-necessary, but also much more costly than my Swedish student loan would cover. But the university didn’t approve my right to apply for temporary work-authorization, which one can on that visa, after staying and studying for more than 9 consecutive months, which I had, which gave me no other option to survive financially than to commit a crime. During my immigration detention, it became clear that the problems are a two-way street:
Visas are issued together with a “sponsor”, ie a spouse, a university, or an employer. If this relationship ends, so does the visa, which can be very unfair. For example, even an abused wife without any criminal convictions and who won against her husband in court, still didn’t get a new visa. Likewise, unfortunately, the common way of most businesses and organizations in the United States is that they don’t want to sponsor visas, but only want to employ those who have one, not knowing or disregarding that you can’t get a work-visa without an employer! And, even if you would be married with a green card and get a job or own your own business, would you become divorced, you’d still lose your visa.
To solve this, visas could be issued directly with the USCIS (which stands for United States Citizenship and Immigration Services), or even state-wise, regardless of sponsor, but with full disclosure and responsibility to seek employment, start a business, and/or get married, within the allotted time. This way, the individual wouldn’t be bound to a certain company or even spouse, but to the United States directly. This would also allow for direct control of taxes being paid, and the immigrant’s overall status and whereabouts.
The second problem, is that some countries don’t allow receiving deportees and are therefore considered recalcitrant, such as Vietnam and Senegal. That means, that even if a Vietnamese guy commits several severe crimes, he can’t be deported back to his country of origin and citizenship, but only released back into the American society. To solve this, would take a global approach, perhaps through the United Nations, which I think would be most fair, making it impossible for any country to say no.
The third problem, is that immigrants often are called illegal and therethrough seemed justified to be detained in prisons, even when the crime they have committed, or not any, isn’t coming with any time to serve (a misdemeanor for example) or even through trafficking. Immigrants should never be incarcerated based on their national identity. It’s not a crime, to not be American. And this is also what the UN goes against, to not arbitrarily detain immigrants. To solve this, they could build or rent type YMCAs, with curfews and front desk guards, as well as access to the USCIS to be allowed to apply for visas meanwhile, especially those seeking refugee status. Most immigrants have invested themselves both financially and emotionally and don’t have anything to return to, which is why it’s important to be allowed to have one’s case tried on the merits.
Last, but not least. Most immigrants are treated according to which country they come from. I know well that I’m seen upon favorably, as a white, scholarly, woman coming from the EU-country Sweden, in comparison to for example Mexicans. That is discriminatory. A Mexican could be more well off than me, even if you don’t assume so. Either way, we both would need to be allowed to make a living legally, to do so. This is why I’m on the fence of going to San Francisco; it still is my dream come true, but I still need more money first, and preferably enough for three months, to give me time enough to find a sponsor, when there. Unless, I too have to claim refugee status because of what I’ve had to endure for more than 10 years in Sweden, with evidence.
My book The Call for Divine Fathering – flying with the feathers of the eagle can be bought on Amazon and Kindle, and contain real-life stories and examples of detained immigrants. Order it here!
When we take responsibility for our actions and communication, we feel empowered and can either solidify our stance, or change easier. This is especially important when it comes to conflict resolution. Through the Hawaiian Ho’oponopono prayer, we can use it either together with the person we’re in conflict with, or by ourselves, as well as including previous generations and wishes for the future generations, to be healed and find peace. Imagine what this world could look like, if we all practiced this!
We start by communicating what the harm is, that we feel we’ve been subjected to and why. Then we listen to the other, who may even have misunderstood us, or feel hurt him/herself. When both sides have shared their points of view, both can agree to ask one another for true forgiveness and move on. This was especially important in old Hawai’i, where everyone is dependent on everyone since they live on islands far away from any mainland. Ho’oponopono means making things right again; to return to integrity and love.
If it’s not possible to communicate and solve the matter directly with the other person, we can work on ourselves by recognizing any other situation, relationship, or event, where we’ve been the one causing similar harm to what we now experience. Then, we can ask for forgiveness for that time through prayer, and understand the current situation better. We can also ask for forgiveness in prayer regardless, not knowing exactly what the harm was another refers to, or experience, but with sincere intention. The prayer goes like this:
Divine Creator, Father, Mother, Child as One, if I, – insert your name -, or any of my ancestors, relatives or family members, have ever caused or inflicted any harm upon – insert the other’s name -, or any of your ancestors, relatives or family members, I’m deeply sorry. Please forgive me. Please transmute this situation into light. Thank you. I love you. Amen.
Then visualize sea green light wash through you, to clear this event in the past, in the present, and in the future.
One of the known Hawaiian practitioners to use this prayer, was Morrnah Nalamaku Simeona.
Every year in the beginning of summer, I go through my four email accounts and sort through my inboxes with all the unread newsletters and other communication. I have various email accounts for various purposes, but some things might overlap. When I sat with this over the weekend, I realized that each email was like an item on my To Do-list. An item to handle and choose what to do with. Can and do we want to directly? Not always.
In the beginning when I started writing newsletters for my coaching business in 2002, it was common to only send one out, once a week, or even once a month. This way, it became something to look forward to (and mine became the foundation for my books) and even to plan accordingly with any events. Nowadays, a well meaning organization can send once a day, which creates a multitude in need of reading, deciding and responding (such as booking, planning, ordering, sorting, following up, reading more later etc), which in my case most likely simply piles up and results in nothing. The many becomes too many to handle directly, since I often open my email app to either check something specific or send one myself, unrelated to what in my inbox. What’s in my inbox, has to be taken care of afterwards, or at another time, creating frustration, interruption, and distraction, ie more stress. So, I put mine in designated folders to be taken care of later, would I find the time, access to more wifi, and place. What’s important to remember is to take charge of our time and keep our focus, or else we will do nothing but respond to others. Rather, we must create!
Do you have a good system for your emails, and do you subscribe to more than you read?
Some people say there’s a reason for everything and refer to God’s plan. Others say we can’t always get answers to our questions while they console “why me” feelings. I say there’s a human reason for everything and we just need to recall how a conflict started and dare to look into what caused it, taking both sides into account. If you can change the cause, you can change the outcome.
For example, while it’s devastating to see casualties of war anywhere, presently increasing in Gaza, it’s seems easier to blame the retaliating party, in this case Israel, than to remember that there is still hostages held in Gaza. If this is the reason, why doesn’t the people there themselves demand Hamas to release them? Then there would be no reason for Israel to continue their attacks, would there?
Another example I learned while I was a detained immigrant in Honolulu 2011-12, is that people tend to commit crimes for any of two solid reasons:
Because they’re bored
Because they’ve been victims themselves (Only hurt people hurt others.)
What is then the antidote but to tend to these needs and solve any underlying issues, such as conflicts, lack of income, and providing a meaningful job, sports and/or a creative outlet. When you start applying this perspective of needs on everything in society, you’ll soon see what I mean, whether it’s hunger and lack of sleep, or not feeling seen, heard and respected, behind someone else’s and your own communication and actions. Advertising builds on this notion obviously, but it doesn’t make people’s needs less real.
What do you need and how can you meet it? Which behavior needs to change?
A friend and spiritual teacher in Honolulu, once told me in 2011 to always trust in my inner knowing: When you know, you know, it’s in your bones, she said. With this Jocelyn referred to how knowledge can be forwarded through generations, through our mana, the energy found in our teeth, bones and hair, besides places. And mana holds power. But is our intuition the same as our inner knowing?
Intuition is information, such as someone’s set forth intention energy, that we can feel a response to. For example, I can feel in my body, in my stomach, when the sun is setting, even if I’m in the kitchen with a window facing the opposite direction. That is my instincts and intuition.
Inner knowing to me, is a synthesized understanding of how things relate, which choices and decisions are good for me, as they feel like an uplifting reassurance. The more I dare to trust in myself, what I feel in my heart and God’s guidance, the calmer and more grounded I feel. This is a learning process we all have access to and can practice. We just need to dare to trust more in ourselves than others.
What are some truths based on your education and experiences? Holding onto and living according to these values, is to live in pono; in love and integrity, to live in alignment.
Have you ever felt uncomfortable around certain people, but totally at ease with others? This feeling arises when we try to fit in and belong. When we naturally do, it’s an opportune time to recognize which personality traits we let surface, that shows who we are. Eventually, we can fasten them and make them part of our identity, if we feel allowed and encouraged. A good way to discover your true you, is through travel and comparing your behavior in various local and organizational cultures. For example, who am I regardless of whether I’m studying, working, or even locked up? Whether I’m in Sweden, or in the United States?
I’m talkative, creative, and organized. If I’m not, it means I’m either not feeling well or being oppressed (by government officials or authorities) or bullied (by any individual known or unknown to me).
Which three personality traits do you carry with you regardless of your circumstances?
When and where can you not fully embody and express these? Why? And where can you feel safe and relaxed to be the true you? Which kind of environment do you need in order to thrive?
To be able to relate and communicate better, it can be a great help to recognize our three selves through which we understand ourselves, others and the world. We also have three levels of consciousness, that we can access and sometimes enter by choice through meditation.
The three selves are:
Parent-self: Acting, relating and communicating with others from the perspective of a parent. This cam be anything from overbearing or condescending, to caring and understanding. Through the parent-self, we seek our Higher self, or higher consciousness, that can help elevate our perspective and guide our actions from a more detached point of view.
Adult-self: From this level, we’re responsible and solution oriented, fluctuating from being guarded to being open. This can also be referred to as our Middleself, which is our normal day-to-day presence.
Child-self: This is our inner child, the spirit we had when we grew up, pure, exploring, and filled with love, joy, and wonder. Through this level, we’re creative and playful, but can also be seen as the Lower self, or the subconscious, where we have stored traumas and adjoining emotions and beliefs, that can govern us, until we face them.
When people get stuck in relationship patterns, it often means that they’ve got stuck in a role of parent or child, with their significant other, where they relive the same overbearing, or condescending, for example. While someone in a parental role might seemingly fit with someone in a child role, it’s not good if neither is aware to consciously heal these patterns. The best outcome, is when we’ve learned to integrate and shift each self within, and use appropriately in the moment.
References:Urban Shamanism by Serge Kahili King, and Transaction Analysis by Eric Burne.
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