One of my personal development goals in the late 90’s, when I first started reading self-help books and decided to become a career coach, was to become a better listener. By reading the book Co-Active Coaching and by practicing with clients, I learned that not only did I need to be more present, but in fact we become more present, when we learn to let go of our own preconceived notions and listen with intent.

There are three levels of listening according to Whitworth and Kimsey-House.

The first level: We might hear what the other is saying, but mostly we’re thinking about what to say ourselves, or what the other means, thus listening more to our own thoughts than the person talking.

The second level: We listen with more presence and more professionally, to what is being said verbally, but might at times wander.

The third level: We listen with full presence, not deciding what to answer until the other has finished talking. We also listen to the cues not spoken, such as any emotional charge behind the words, what the body language is conveying and whether there are awkward pauses or hesitancies. Then we can address these too, while we summarize what we heard our clients say, to better phrase the next question in order to develop the coaching session further.

When we listen from a neutral stance, the other person feels more heard. Try it!