To be able to relate and communicate better, it can be a great help to recognize our three selves through which we understand ourselves, others and the world. We also have three levels of consciousness, that we can access and sometimes enter by choice through meditation.

The three selves are:

Parent-self: Acting, relating and communicating with others from the perspective of a parent. This cam be anything from overbearing or condescending, to caring and understanding. Through the parent-self, we seek our Higher self, or higher consciousness, that can help elevate our perspective and guide our actions from a more detached point of view.

Adult-self: From this level, we’re responsible and solution oriented, fluctuating from being guarded to being open. This can also be referred to as our Middle self, which is our normal day-to-day presence.

Child-self: This is our inner child, the spirit we had when we grew up, pure, exploring, and filled with love, joy, and wonder. Through this level, we’re creative and playful, but can also be seen as the Lower self, or the subconscious, where we have stored traumas and adjoining emotions and beliefs, that can govern us, until we face them.

When people get stuck in relationship patterns, it often means that they’ve got stuck in a role of parent or child, with their significant other, where they relive the same overbearing, or condescending, for example. While someone in a parental role might seemingly fit with someone in a child role, it’s not good if neither is aware to consciously heal these patterns. The best outcome, is when we’ve learned to integrate and shift each self within, and use appropriately in the moment.

References: Urban Shamanism by Serge Kahili King, and Transaction Analysis by Eric Burne.