Forgiveness works in three ways and all three must be considered, to complete the circle and be able to truly let go and move on. Here are the three ways:

Self-forgiveness: Forgiving yourself, can sometimes be harder than another person. It’s also more necessary, since you still have to live with yourself and be able to continue forward. So, try to locate within, where your offense is stemming from and why. Then, practice self-compassion. If you did your best, you can’t expect yourself to do more, until you learn more, and have the space to change.

Forgiving others: We all need to receive an apology from time to time, and it might be the hardest thing to ask for one. However, holding a grudge will certainly affect your relationship regardless of its nature, wherefore this is necessary. Simply, share how you feel. A good way to find forgiveness in terms of what others have done to you, is by putting yourself in their shoes for a minute. What have they, or are they, going through? What are their needs? What did you do to provoke the situation yourself? Also here, practice compassion.

Offering an apology yourself: Owning your own behaviour and communication, feels much more empowering than not. Try it! Look into what your motive and shape of the day was. Have you not slept enough or eaten, when you had an argument? Did you believe something negative and expecting that, or assuming something unfounded? Find compassion for both yourself and the other.

The way to forgive, can be done by relating one’s own behaviour with another’s. Let’s say that someone shows envy of you and you feel offended, since you worked really hard to get what you wanted. Instead of merely defending yourself, you can try another approach. Can you find another time, with the same person, or someone else completely, where you, yourself, have felt envious? Then, you can relate to that feeling. To heal this, offer an apology to that person, whether literally or through a prayer. This way, you can heal both backwards and forwards, including within your lineage as you set out to also include your ancestors and children and offer forgiveness also on behalf of them. This is the way of Ho’oponopono – the Hawaiian forgiveness process and prayer. When you take responsibility for your own behaviour, that you have showed in the past, you heal the future.