It feels like I grew up with war inside my family. A war that I constantly wanted to stop so we could have peace, without stress, especially during our meals. On my mother’s side came refugee illiteracy, and on my father’s side noble scholars. Maybe it was even the foundation of my parents conflict, seeking the opposite in leading life from the heart versa the mind, female versa male, yet the source of conflict. To create harmony instead, one can however not let one side win, but rather let both sides stand on their own.
My parents’ divorce created much pain when I grew up, that I often fled from by going to the local riding club and got busy caring for the horses, who also were awesome silent listeners. Not to mention how easy it is to bestow them (and other animals) with lots of love, without envy or questioning by the other parent. Watching this little cutie by the road today, reminded me.
How should it be then? Perhaps this can serve as inspiration:
“Then Almitra spoke again and said: “And what of marriage, master?” And he answered saying: “You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore. You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days. Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God. But let there be spaces in your togetherness. And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another, but make not a bond of love. Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone. Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart. And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.””
Life is always about feeding and love. And finding ways to do this without conflict, require a breach of patterns that we have learned growing up. In my case, to let my inner child do, feel and have, what brought me joy before my parents’ divorce.
How was it for you growing up? Are your relationship similar to that of your parents? Is it how you want it to be? How would you like yours to be? Meet others at Telluselle Living Center in our coaching groups to share, and to create a new standard!