The four phases of healing

Each trauma is a crisis causing stress. How we deal with this as human beings has of course been researched much and it was also when I read the book “Crisis and development” by John Cullberg in 2001 at Malmö University, I began to understand myself, my stress-level, coping behavior and my needs.

In short the four stages are:

1. Chock

2. Reaction

3. Processing/Treatment

4. Taking new direction

In order for us to heal any traumas, we have to be able to go through these phases, with adequate professional help and social support within reasonable time, ie the natural course of time. Any delays, shortages or obstruction will simply become another trauma.

It was when I read through the author’s list of examples in 2001 that I made the astonishing discovery that I had been through the majority of all the traumas he mentioned except for being incarcerated… then.

The traumas we experience must also be understood in the conditions and culture we are living in and the age we are in when it happened. Naturally what is perceived as a trauma as a child, might not be for an adult or even vice versa! Likewise some are national or international by their nature, impacting many such a hearing in the media about terrorattacks and how the Swedish primeminister and foreign minister were murdered.

The traumas I have endured that are more than the regular stages of developments we all face, are:

At the age of 2: Escaping grenades in Beirut while my Dad held me as a shield.

At the age of 4: Watching my mother almost misscarrying and bleeding with premature birth 7 months pregnant in Sweden after we hastily left Germany where we temporary lived.

At the age of 5: Almost drowning in a pool at a summer party with my parents in Denmark.

At the age of 7: Suffered a concussion including spending a night at a hospital alone in Sweden.

At the age of 9: Orally raped by a classmate called Jonas in Sweden.

At the age of 10: My first bunny called Skutt fell ill and had to be put to sleep.

At the age of 12: Submitted to an open children psychiatric clinic in Sweden for 3 months by my patents, without a diagnosis.

At the age of 13: A classmate died in a car accident after our Middle school class was split for two different high schools.

At the age of 14: Our family was threatened by KGB (and SÄPO) and my Dad wanted to sell me as a wife to Afghanistan, while I was called “the plank” in school due to being flat chested (and a year younger than my classmates).

At the age of 15: My parents got divorced.

At the age of 17: I was stalked the first time in Sweden.

At the age of 21: I was sexually assaulted at a dinner date in Sweden.

At the age of 22: My front knee ligament was torned off during an aerobics class and I had arthoscopy performed in Sweden.

At the age of 25: I misscarried and was laid off from work with unemployment to follow in Sweden.

At the age of 26: My mentor in copywriting died suddenly in a heart attack in Sweden.

At the age of 29: My mother got cancer in Sweden.

At the age of 30: My German step-grandmother died from Leukemia in Sweden.

At the age of 33: I saw the devastation at Ground Zero in NYC in the United States.

At the age of 34: My mother died and I had to undergo foreclosure in Sweden.

At the age of 37: I received hundreds of nethating comments and a couple of blogposts after I had tried to perform Hula on TV.

At the age of 38: I had teeth surgery under the needle in Sweden.

At the age of 39: I was stalked in person, while also made homeless, in Sweden.

At the age of 40: I was stalked in person in the United States and had to get a restraining order and go to court there.

At the age of 41: I was arrested by the local police for shoplifting in Honolulu and then detained by ICE for 338 days, including 5 months in the SHU.

At the age of 42: I was deported from the United States.

At the age of 44: I was severly stalked and intruded upon inside my apartment, learned about how three important people in my life (my former English teacher, my minister at Unity church and my Hula-sister and attorney) died within a couple of months in the United States, and I almost died after a severe bloodpressure fall and was thteatened by authorities who wanted to lock me up in a closed mental institution in Sweden after I had finished compiling my blogposts into my second book and sent to the UN.

At the age of 45: I was forced into a locked homeless shelter in Sweden where I was assaulted, after being called stalker on the front page of the evening news after going to Athens on a dance conference and suing a yogateacher for copyright infringement in Sweden and after going on a vacation to Portugal.

At the age of 46: I was made homeless several times, stalked in a hostel with rats, removed a pipebomb outside a Stockholm subway entrance that the police ignored, in Sweden.

Then of course, moving and changing schools, grieving the deaths of my maternal grandmother and grandfather, my mother’s half-brother, my paternal grandfather, my other bunnies and favorite horse, were also upsets.

When experienced traumas impair daily lives and/or are re-lived again, we get Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

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